Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the celebrity pages, this happens: Now Goldie Hawn, well-known expert on UFOlogy and xenobiology, is recounting her hands-on experiences with aliens.

Goldie Hawn recalled making contact with "two or three" extraterrestrial beings who "touched" her face when she was 20 years old. 

The 77-year-old actress noted that she had "never shared this story" as she recounted her experience during the latest episode of the Apple Fitness+ audio experience "Time to Walk." During the episode, Hawn remembered wishing to be visited by extraterrestrials while she was working as a dancer in Anaheim, California. 

"That was a time when, you know, there was a lot of UFO sightings," the Academy Award winner said. "I remember this so clearly. I went outside my door, and I sat on the little ledge, and I looked up at the dark sky. And I saw all these stars. And all I could think of was, How far does this go? How little are we? Are we the only planet in the whole wide universe that has life on it?"

In time, Goldie's wish did indeed come true:

About "three or four months later," Hawn recalled that she was dancing in West Covina, California, "which is very close to a desert." The "Overboard" star said that she asked one of her best friends if she could take a nap in his car after she became "very tired" during a rehearsal.

"I don’t know why I said that," Hawn mused. "I don’t know why I didn’t just lie down on the bleachers." After getting into her friend's car and preparing to sleep, the actress said that she heard a strange noise.

One can hear all sorts of strange noises in California at night, as I can attest from personal experience. I'm pretty sure Goldie Hawn had heard similar strange things as well, as she was living and working in the area. Clearly, nothing had prepared her for what happened next:

"I got this high-pitched sound in my ear," Hawn said. "It was this high, high frequency."

The Washington, D.C., native then looked out of the car window and saw "these two or three triangular-shaped heads."

"They were silver in color, slash for a mouth, tiny little nose, no ears," Hawn remembered. "They were pointing at me, pointing at me in the car as if they were discussing me, like I was a subject. And they were droning."

It's important to note that not long after this, Goldie's career took off, as she landed a prestigious position as a current events and political news commentator on the issues of the day, covering such items as the draft and the income tax.

Later in the piece, the actress recounted, among other things, her finding of a heart-shaped crop circle (because, why not) and how she underwent "repressed memory" sessions in which she discovered that one of the aliens actually made physical contact with her. I will not speculate on what may have motivated an alien (or indeed, anyone) to want to make physical contact with the 20-year-old Goldie Hawn. I will leave that evaluation to you, the readers.

It would be easy to write off her narration of these events as coming from someone who has a season pass on the Crazy Train, but that's the easy way out. Perhaps Goldie really did encounter an alien. Perhaps an alien really did touch her face, leaving her feeling like the alien appendage was "...the finger of God." Perhaps aliens really do land in the California desert at night to examine 20-year-old girls who are asleep in the back seats of automobiles. 

Or, perhaps, we could apply Occam's Razor and assume Goldie just had a weird dream, one of those ones that you tell someone about the next morning while wondering why your subconscious mind would play such a rotten trick on you.

I'm not a psychiatrist, nor do I play one on television, but the entire UFO "contact" phenomenon has always seemed to me to be a little odd. I can understand Goldie's lacking any physical evidence of her close encounter as cameras were not as ubiquitous as they are today in the age of smartphones, but sure as President Trump shows up in Swedish cuts of beef, the aliens are always capable enough to leave nothing behind but "repressed" memories. Still, you'd think that by now, someone would have a clear photo or even some cell phone video.

The Pentagon is taking the issue seriously, though, enough so that they have opened a whistle-blower hotline to make it easier to report their close encounters to the authorities. It is unclear as to whether there is a statute of limitations on such reporting; if not, I would urge Ms. Hawn to report her encounter forthwith to add to the extensive body of knowledge on UFOs and aliens in general.

Don't get me wrong. Ms. Hawn is a talented actress and has had a varied and succesful career, far more so than one might have imagined when she was an adorable young face in Rowan & Martin's Joke Wall back in the late 60's. But the whole UFO encounter bit?

Nah. Not buying it. Sorry, Goldie, but I'm gonna have to sock it to ya on this one.