As we reported, cocaine was discovered in the White House Sunday. If that weren’t concerning enough, also worrisome is that the Biden administration’s stories about where exactly it was found have been constantly evolving. Officials have been tight-lipped about the affair and even claim that the culprit is “unlikely” ever to be known.

That’s reassuring.

Sports betting sites have taken the advice of former Obama administration official Rahm Emanuel—“never let a serious crisis go to waste”—and were quick to get in on the action, allowing bettors to take their chances on guessing who left the drug baggie. Not surprisingly, the president’s son Hunter, an admitted drug user in the past who claims he is clean now, is getting the most action.

Here are some of the suspects bandied about by overseas gambling site BetOnline.ag:

Who owns the cocaine found in the White House?

Hunter Biden +200
Travis Kelce +800
One of the Jonas Brothers +1000
Angelina Jolie +1200
Maddox Jolie-Pitt +1200
Ariana Madix +1200
Member of LSU Lady Tigers +1400
Member of UConn Men’s Team +1400
Snoop Dogg +1600
Edward Lee +1600… pic.twitter.com/4BVHQccWvy

— BetOnline.ag (@betonline_ag) July 5, 2023

Hunter Biden is currently in the win position at +200, while Kansas City Chiefs star tight end Travis Kelce is in place with a strong +800. “One of the Jonas Brothers” is ahead in a tight race for show. I’m not finding any stories regarding any recent visits by the singing brothers to the People’s House recently, but Kelce was there in June with his team to celebrate their Super Bowl victory with President Biden.

While most betting sites have Hunter dominating, Costa Rican sportsbook Bovada has “Tour Group Guest” as their favorite at -400. Bovada will even let you bet on this guy:

I don’t think you’ll win any cash on that bet wager, though, because that’s fictional character Tony Montana from the 1983 film “Scarface.” He’s getting odds of +50000, in case you’re interested.

Other names include:

• Elton John +2000
• Member of BTS +2000
• Olivia Rodrigo +2000
• Damar Hamlin +2000
• Mathew McConaughey +2500
• Selena Gomez +2500
• Ciara +2500
• An Olympic Gold Medalist +2500
• Patrick Mahomes +2500
• Lisa Vanderpump +3300
• Paris Hilton +3300
• Tom Brady +5000
• Narendra Modi +10000
• Andy Reid +10000
• Jill Biden +10000
• Joe Biden +15000

Notice who’s not getting good odds: the President and First Lady. Apparently, bettors don’t think Biden’s cognitive issues are due to drug use, at least not cocaine.

White House staffers were also under suspicion, with “Janitorial Staff” at +1000, “Secret Service Special Agent” at +2000, and “White House Librarian” at +3000. I’m going to go out on a limb and advise that the librarian doesn’t sound like a smart wager, but I could be wrong.

Website sportsbetting.legal is pushing you to get in on the action quickly or lose your opportunity:

We advise haste for anyone interested in placing a bet on these White House cocaine odds. There’s only so much security footage that can be combed through before the perpetrator is identified, and these prop bets will be removed once an announcement is made.

While the fact that people are betting on this stuff is humorous, it also shows what a clown show this administration has become. Did you ever think we’d be writing about cocaine in the White House or that we’d immediately have a credible suspect in such a situation? And that that suspect would be the son of a sitting U.S. President, a son who has apparently received preferential treatment from the nation’s top law enforcement department?

To call this a banana republic under Joe Biden is to insult banana republics everywhere.