Police Report: Drunk Tyson Foods VP Slips Into a Strange Woman's House — and Bed

(AP Photo/Ramon Espinosa)

Sometimes, you just need to go home and sleep. And if you manage to do it adroitly, you go to a home that’s yours. Allegedly, such expert operation recently eluded an American meat mogul; the result was a calling of cops.


As reported by KNWA, Tyson Foods Chief Financial Officer John R. Tyson went Full Goldilocks Saturday evening. John had decided to call it a night and hit the sack. Curiously, he chose a bed that wasn’t his — in a house belonging to a stranger.

Purportedly, a woman living in Fayetteville, Arkansas got home around 2:00 a.m. Sunday and retired to her room. But like one of The Three Bears, she took pause upon discovering someone in her bed.

She told dispatchers that she believes the front door was left unlocked and that is how he gained entry.

Responding officers found 32-year-old John cozy and unclothed:

Upon arrival, police located Tyson in the back bedroom with his clothes in front of the bed and identified him through his driver’s license.

He was too tired to talk:

Police attempted to wake Tyson up and speak with him but he could not verbally respond. After briefly sitting up, Tyson laid back down and tried to go to sleep.

Officers noticed a few things:

  • A lack of coordination
  • Sluggish movements
  • An odor of alcohol on his breath and body

Could the bigwig have gotten sloshed, found his way to a front door, staggered through a house ’til he found something soft, and transformed his intrusion into a snoozefest? It seems yes. If so, how’d he arrive to the address?


Whichever way it occurred, John was booked into the Washington County Detention Center Sunday. Charged with Public Intoxication and Criminal Trespass, he was let out that evening.

In case you have noticed, whenever food makes the news, it’s generally an interesting ordeal:

Private Party: An Egyptian Woman Is Arrested for Cooking Crotchety Cupcakes

Just Like Mama Used to Make: McDonald’s Unveils Its Spam and Oreo Burger

Lawsuit Claims Panda Express Workers Were Pressured to Strip to Their Underwear in ‘Cult-Like Ritual’

Late Night Host Vows Not to Play Food Game With Bull Penis Because of Racism

Not Fast (Enough) Food: Roadkill App Lets You Source Your Supper From a Blacktop Buffet

Cereal Killer? Feminine Hygiene Brand’s ‘Period Crunch’ Invites You to Eat a Uterus for Breakfast

The same goes for home invasion:

Three Men Break Into a Gun Collector’s Home, None of Them Leave Without Leaks, Only One Leaves the Good Way

A Burglar Breaks into the Home of an 82-Year-Old Woman. Turns Out She’s a Bodybuilder, and He (Barely) Lives to Regret It

No-Nonsense Grandma Shoots Diddlin’ Flasher

Back to John, the show-stopping move keenly kicks off his new company post: He was just appointed CFO on October 2nd.


Tyson Foods spokesperson Derek Burleson said they won’t be saying anything:

“We’re aware of the incident and as this is a personal matter, we have no additional comment.”

John R. Tyson — son of Tyson board chairman John H. Tyson — is also the company’s executive vice president.

Hopefully, interventional help follows VP John’s ode to insects and animals — not only was he found snug as a bug in a rug, but he was drunk as a skunk.



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