One of the things I used to advise my mom to do when she was caregiving for my dad was to make sure she stayed up to date on all her doctor appointments, check-ups, routine screenings, etc. for her own well-being and also because her keeping up with her health needs would mean she could stay strong to help dad, which was her number one priority.
But though she kept up with some, other appointments fell by the wayside because my mom being the selfless person that she is, her focus was more on my dad's care than her own. As a result, that colonoscopy that had been recommended for her to get done got put off a couple of times, and by the time she had it done is when we were informed she had colon cancer.
As I transitioned from being an "on-call" caregiver to both mom and dad to her full-time caregiver last year, I found myself not taking the advice I had repeatedly given to her on staying current with doctor visits.
And she let me know it, too.
I told her after her chemo sessions were over and we had some breathing room from everything that went on after her diagnosis that I would finally get my yearly check-up, mammogram, and colonoscopy out of the way. In the summer and fall, I kept my promise.
Fortunately, I got good news with all the visits and had good experiences to the point that it made me want to establish myself as a regular patient so I'd have a primary care physician who knew me and was familiar with my medical history.
But there are other forms of care that come along with being a caregiver that don't involve going to the doctor. It involves self-care, which in my case has meant taking a few hours away just to get out and drive, do some shopping, go to the park, or otherwise find a quiet place to read, reflect, and catch my breath.
Mom understands this, of course, because when Dad was still with us and before he had serious mobility challenges that required someone to be home with him pretty much full time, I'd come to pick her up for a little mom/daughter time every once in a while, and we'd go grab a bite to eat or do some riding around just so she could have a bit of a break and get some fresh air.
When mom was going through chemo and I had thoughts of what things might be like once she had completed her treatments, one of the things I thought about the most was how I might be able to get back to those occasional long drives by myself and things of that nature once the side effects of the chemo eventually (hopefully) wore off.
And I felt guilty about it.
After all, she was the one going through the absolute worst of it, and the future was uncertain. How could I sit there and think of myself at a time like that?
Over time, I've grown to understand that such thoughts are normal and not selfish. They are human.
My mom knows I'd do anything in the world for her, but she also knows it's important for me even as a full-time caregiver to be able to maintain a tiny bit of independence from time to time. After all, that little bit of freedom and time away helps clear my mind, rejuvenate, and prepare me for the next day's challenges.
I said all that to say that if you are a caregiver and reading this, please take the time - even if it's just an hour or two - to take care of yourself when you can. If for no other reason than because it's not just your life that depends on it, but the loved one who you are caring for depends on it, too.
Related VIP reading -->> Caregiver's Diary Part 1: The Pain
