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It somewhat slipped under the radar, but a few days ago (February 22^nd), Politico tossed out a puff piece by no fewer than six writers musing on what would happen should Joe Biden not run for re-election in 2024. The article simultaneously makes a few points and misses even more.

Before getting into the story’s heart, some richly deserved roasting of its delivery. There’s media bias, and then there’s this story, making one wonder exactly who the authors are covering, as it can’t possibly be the Biden we all know and … uh, know. For example:

His cloak-and-dagger trip to Kyiv over the holiday weekend took meticulous planning and the positive reaction to it was seen internally as providing him with more runway to turn back to domestic politics.

Don’t think about it too much; the aspirin dosage needed to cure the resulting headache would cause irreparable stomach damage. Anyway, such gems aside, the article goes on (and on and on) about how Biden is always deliberate in his decision-making, hence the current absence of an announcement. And here we silly gooses believed it was senility.

While all indications are Biden will be propped up long enough to run for re-election — I mean, how else will Jill Biden be fawned over for wearing dresses patterned after online pre-teen roleplaying games? — the article does lay out how, should Biden choose not to run (no mention made of the real possibility he will be unable to), others are quietly drawing up campaign maps. Probably the most prominent is California governor Gavin Newsom, never mind how the last California governor sufficiently palatable to the entire nation for holding the Oval Office’s keys last worked out of Sacramento in 1974.

To its mild credit, the story briefly lapses into something almost resembling journalism.

Biden is famously indecisive, a habit exacerbated by decades in the über-deliberative Senate. He publicly took his time mulling a decision not to run in 2016 and to launch his run in 2020. He missed two self-imposed deadlines before choosing Harris as a running-mate.

In the White House, he pushed back the timeline to withdraw from Afghanistan; skipped over his initial benchmark to vaccinate 70 percent of American adults against Covid-19 with at least one shot; and earlier in his presidency let lapse deadlines on climate, commissions, mask standards and promised sanctions on Russia for poisoning opposition leader Alexei Navalny.

Translation: Biden doesn’t have sufficient remaining gray matter to decide which shoe goes on which foot, let alone run the government. But I digress.

Besides Newsom, other Democratic governors such as JB Pritzker of Illinois and Phil Murphy of New Jersey are mentioned as potential candidates should Biden not run. Senate retreads like Bernie Sanders and Amy Klobuchar are in the mix. And, of course, let’s not count out the USB port queen herself, Kamala Harris, although the thought of her debating Donald Trump or Ron DeSantis or Nikki Haley or Barney Fife must give Democrats screaming nightmares.

If Biden does not run, I would be utterly unsurprised if the Democrats didn’t attempt persuading Michelle Obama to throw her hat in the ring. It takes zero effort to envision the worshipful press she’d receive, with every attempt by her Republican challenger to rebuff her on policy, assuming she bothered laying any such mundane details out, immediately scolded as a “How DARE you talk to a woman like that?!” moment.

We shall see.