I was born and raised in Chicago, and left when I was 22 for California. One of the reasons I did this was to expand my world and pursue opportunities and experiences outside of the particular silo in which I was living. So, soon after I graduated college in 1987, I left Chicago and moved to Los Angeles.
My first month or so there, I stayed with a friend of a friend in what used to be known as South Central Los Angeles, but I had to quickly get out of that situation. There was too much of the mentality that I will call "crabs in a barrel."
There's a fable that goes like this: when you put a bunch of crabs in an open barrel, and one of the crabs attempts to crawl up and out, the other crabs latch on to the escapee and pull him back down. That was the mindset of my family in Chicago and also the people who I was staying with in Los Angeles: They exhibited open hostility over my life choices, from how I looked, to my aspirations to be a writer, to the fact that I was not interested in living in any majority-minority neighborhood — especially not South Central. I didn't live in the ghetto when I was in Chicago; why should I bother now that I had moved to another city?
This pursuit of better and best for me has guided my life, and now my husband's, which led us to leave California and find greener pastures in the great state of Alabama. Newsflash: we don't live in a ghetto here either, and we traded in cramped city life for open country spaces with no regrets. But if we allowed those folks with the crabs in a barrel mentality to dictate our choices, we would not be enjoying the peace, prosperity, and open doors that we are privileged to experience. We'd be stuck in that barrel with the rest of the miserable crabs.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
You find the crabs-in-a-barrel mentality in every race, ethnicity, and religion. A white, Jewish woman who was a good friend of my husband's had the privilege of being invited to my bridal shower and our wedding. This woman had the nerve to complain (not to me) that I seemed to have only white friends, as though this was a deficit. This woman also criticized my registry choices. Who does that? I guess there is something about pursuing your best life, being decisive in your choices, and being open to experiences that are outside whatever box or category people want to create for you, that sets some of them off.
But sometimes, Black people can take this to new levels.
On TikTok, there's a Black mother named Marilyn Thrower, who moved herself and her son from the East Coast to the West Coast in order to give him a better life. For the first time in her life, Thrower moved into a neighborhood that wasn't majority Black. Thrower documented her discoveries and said, "It's very pleasurable. [...] I'm in a 99 percent white town, white community, and it's quiet, it's clean, it's peaceful, ain't no damn interruptions, disturbances or discrepancies."
Then Thrower asked the 50,000-dollar question: why can't Blacks do the same in their neighborhood? She left it at that, as she does these little snippets to provoke thought. While most of the comments were complimentary and congratulatory, others exemplified that crabs-in-a-barrel mentality. How dare you do better than us? What's wrong with our neighborhoods? And my personal favorite: Did you forget you're Black?
Thrower's response is not only hilarious, but cuts straight to the point.
She doesn't mince words, including in her language, so fair Warning.
WATCH:
Black woman fires back at the haters flooding her comments and DMs after she shared how happy she is after moving to a predominantly white town because she enjoys the peace and appreciates the cleanliness.
— I Meme Therefore I Am 🇺🇸 (@ImMeme0) July 21, 2026
“I got black people trying to make me feel bad ‘cause I want to raise my… https://t.co/ueVcWNneIt pic.twitter.com/eJBgWyEfF3
It's a damn shame how many Black people are coming in my box, talking sh*t to me, because I am actually happy that I am living in a neighborhood that's clean, beautiful, clear, quiet, and I just so happen to be around nothing but white people.
I got Black people trying to make me feel bad, 'cause I wanted to raise my son in an environment where I don't want him thinking smoking crack and being a prostitute and then keeping your neighborhood dirty, and riding around disturbing the peace, pulling your pants down under your a**, walking around wearing f****ng bonnets, being a bunch of f****ng dirty foot whores, and your badass f****ng kids running wild is normal.
Look at my child?! [Points the camera to her son swimming in a very nice pool, then turns the camera back].
My child is living a f****ng life. Do you think I'm wrong for that?
Not at all. As much as I was not wrong for escaping Chicago, eschewing South Central L.A., and choosing my friends and experiences based on my personality, faith, and interests, instead of my skin color. Like Thrower, because my pursuit was about what was best for my life (and in her case, her son), it opened up opportunities beyond anything I could have imagined if I had listened to my family and stayed in Chicago. We had a few crabs-in-a-barrel folks snapping at us when we decided to leave California, but when the pursuit of your best life becomes a pattern rather than an anomaly, it gets easier to shake those naysayers off, and we are the better for it.
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Journalist Dalisia Ballinger is also making these discoveries. Ballinger worked for a Black-focused Memphis news outlet. If you recall, Memphis is one of the cities where, in 2025,, TN Gov. Bill Lee (R) invited President Donald Trump to deploy the National Guard to combat crime, and it has transformed the city, making it safer and saner.
Ballinger covered this story, but she also noticed that her once crime-plagued neighborhood was suddenly peaceful and quiet. So, on her personal social media (not her employer's), she made videos recording these changes and observations and had the unmitigated gall to thank President Trump(!) for sending in the National Guard and making a difference for her family and her neighborhood.
It went as expected — I'll let her tell it.
WATCH:
A Black journalist in Memphis walked to her mailbox and heard birds singing instead of gunshots — and thanked Trump for bringing the National Guard.
— #WalkAway Campaign (@RealWalkAway) July 11, 2026
Her employer fired her within 24 hours.
The media calls itself the voice of truth. Then fires anyone who actually tells it.
What… pic.twitter.com/xKBbq6pi7T
A Black journalist in Memphis walked to her mailbox and heard birds singing instead of gunshots — and thanked Trump for bringing the National Guard.
Her employer fired her within 24 hours.
The media calls itself the voice of truth. Then fires anyone who actually tells it.
What truth did the media try to silence that you found out anyway?
Seeking a better life and living in truth should not be dictated by skin color, ideology, or political leaning, and people like myself, Marilyn Thrower, and Dalisia Ballinger have not only realized this, but we and our families are reaping the benefits of authentic living. Sadly, there are so many who continue to allow themselves to be pulled down into the barrel to share in the other crabs' misery, rather than kicking those crabs away and escaping the barrel. Outside of the barrel, you often discover a richer and more fulfilling life that would not be possible inside of it.
