Never in the annals of television history have I been as captivated by a program as I've been captivated by ABC's "The View." From genius political commentary to riveting intellect and incisive analysis to a wealth of wisdom and brilliant insight unlike any other, I– OK, fine. Total crap. Let's get on with the show.  

Anyway, the ladies of "The View" were mightily "pissed off" on Tuesday's episode because a growing number of Democrats are calling on embattled Joe Biden to abandon his reelection campaign following his humiliating debate performance, subsequent disastrous interview with ABC's George Stephanopoulos, and multiple other missteps. 

As the lady geniuses see it, when you're 81 years old, and you're “trying so hard to tell the truth,” you're just going to have a not-so-good performance. Translation: a hysterical complete crock of crap.

Genius Joy Behar, in particular, was not a happy camper, explaining that while she "wasn't here yesterday," she was "watching television all week" and "a little tired of all the Biden-bashing that's going on." As Joyless put it:

I'm pissed off at it, frankly. There is a lot of Biden bashing going on and no calls for this sexually abusive felon to step down.

Why, I'm shocked. Whataboutism and a cheap, hyperbolic shot at Trump. Anyway, here's how the ridiculousness went: 

After a few back-and-forth interruptions, Behar said:

Everybody keeps calling it a disaster, a disaster. You know why Trump was better at it, because he lies. He practiced his lies for two or three years already. That guy, all he did was spew lies that we've heard over and over and over again. 

When you're telling the truth like Biden was trying so hard to tell the truth, it doesn't come as easily. It's so easy to just rehearse and practice your lies and then spew them in a debate the way he did. That was what was going on there. I don't — I'm sticking with Biden at the moment because I feel that he's our best choice and who wants to vote for Trump? Even his wife can't stand him at this point.

"When you're telling the truth like Biden was trying so hard to tell the truth, it doesn't come as easily." 

That single line right there illustrates the level of ignorance required for a regular viewer of "The View" to continue to watch the idiotic show. No, Joy, Biden looked and talked like he didn't know where the hell he was or what the hell he was trying to say throughout a 90-minute debate. 

Next up, the always brilliant Sarah Haines:

Well, I think that — I'm sticking with Biden up until the very end regardless, but I think these conversations absolutely have to happen. I agree with Jon Stewart. Shut up and sit down, or whatever people say to everyone that are critical of this, I think are dismissive because falling in line is what the Republicans do. 

We've talked at this table over and over about the wow cowardliness of the GOP in standing up against Trump, in fact, they bend the knee at his every wish. The Democrats have always been better than that and have debates, they disagree and do it publicly and out loud. 

Hang on, a sec. As luck would have it, I wrote earlier on Tuesday about Jon Stewart and his comments about the state of the "Biden Problem" for the Democrat Party. What Stewart really said, and in what context was this: 

There was no real [Democrat primary. … And let me say this, authoritarianism and Donald Trump aren’t the only threats our democracy faces. An arthritic status quo, unable or unwilling to respond, in any way, to the concerns of voters who just received new and urgent information about their candidate, also erodes confidence and faith in the system of government. 'Get on board or shut the f*** up'…is not a particularly compelling pro-democracy bumper sticker, nor is, 'Whattaya gonna do?'

Totally over Sarah Haines's head, I'm sure, but #protip: If you're going to quote someone, know what they said verbatim and quote them in the proper context.

Jon Stewart: 'Get on Board or Shut the F*** Up' Doesn't Allay Voter Concerns About Biden's Brain

Finally, the wisdom of Den Mother Whoopi™.

Four years ago everybody was pissed at Joe because they said “You messed up. You said this.” Look, he's 81. He's 81. And he did have a bad night, just like I have bad nights, like you have bad nights, and you can't plan a bad night. A bad night sneaks up your butt and takes you like a puppet and messes up your night and that happens and all of us have had them. 

I'm sticking with Joe because, A, I believe he's been doing a really good job, and as I said yesterday, when you show me, when you show me where he's not doing the work, where he's not performing, I don't care if he can talk on camera, I don't care, I want to make sure that the stuff that I care about and that many people care about, whatever side of the aisle you're on, he's trying to do it for America.

I want the guy who cares about America, not the guy who's telling me that he's going to be the free world – the leader of the Free World that he doesn't believe in. He doesn't believe in a free world.

Yeah, I got nothin' — other than that last line makes zero sense.

Until the next "The View" Magic Moment™, do good, gang — in the name of constitutional conservatism.