Greetings from the sports desk located somewhere below decks of the Good Pirate Ship RedState. Sammy the Shark is too busy mourning trading his Erik Karlsson action figure to Perry the Penguin to help right now. At the same time, Karl the Kraken’s preoccupied with vacuuming fish crackers out from in-between the couch cushions, so I’m flying solo today.

We start in Baltimore with the curious case of Orioles television announcer Kevin Brown. Something he said on-air during a recent broadcast has led to his suspension.

A racial epithet? No!

Profanity? No!

Misogynistic mutterings? No!

Apparently, Brown said something even worse — namely, the Orioles’ record in Tampa Bay against the Rays prior to this season.

Here's the clip of Kevin Brown's pregame comments on the Orioles' recent record against the Rays ahead of a series finale on July 23. Sources tell AA these comments led to Brown's current indefinite suspension from Orioles' broadcasts. pic.twitter.com/csURU04fJU

— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing) August 7, 2023

For those not following baseball circa 2023, after decades of moribund irrelevance, the Orioles have re-entered the conversation. At the time of this writing (August 10), Baltimore has the best record in the American League and the second-best record in baseball, behind only the Atlanta Braves. The Orioles are doing so with the 27th lowest payroll in baseball, a testimony to drafting, developing, and trading well in lieu of chasing big-ticket free agents. Baltimore leads the American League East by two games over the similarly-constructed Tampa Bay Rays. The Red Sox are paying $72.95M more for the privilege of being in fourth place, 11 games behind the Orioles, while the Yankees are ponying up $139.55M more for the honor of being in last place in the division, 11.5 games out of first. Yay, free agency!

That the Orioles ownership would be so thin-skinned as to take an announcer off the air for telling the truth, namely that at Tropicana Field in recent years, the Rays have owned the Orioles, says much about the thickness of team owner Peter Angelos’ skin, or lack thereof. Angelos, who also owns MASN (Mid-Atlantic Sports Network), which broadcasts Baltimore’s televised games, has made no public comment on the matter. His best action plan is to keep it that way and put Kevin Brown back on the air ASAP.

In other areas of interest, the NFL’s minor league system, otherwise known as college football, has been making all of its news off the field, and for a change, not via players from major programs getting arrested. No, it’s schools switching conferences in pursuit of the almighty dollar. Apparently, institutional jealousy over college players raking in the bucks via NIL deals instead of the universities making all the money has reached critical mass.

Once upon a time, conferences’ construction stemmed from local proximity. Your school is in this part of the country, you get together with other schools in the same section of the country and form a conference. Regional rivalries. Simple. Like how high schools did it for generations, and I presume still do.

Today? There are better organized riots. The 2023 college football season will have approximately 83.5 percent of all broadcasts starting, “This will be the last time these two teams …” That is unless Peter Angelos preemptively fires all the announcers. A complete list of upcoming changes is here; I suggest keeping aspirin handy.

The matchups already on tap for 2024 are embarrassing. NorCal-SoCal rivalries? Forget it! EVERYONE wants to see UCLA-Minnesota, especially UCLA if it’s an away game in December. And on and on.

The people who are most at risk here are participants in other collegiate sports, also known as actual student-athletes who balance sports with education. Do you think your average volleyball or swim team member at Cal or Stanford, currently rumored to be looking at joining the AAC, can afford to skip lengthy stretches of classes for a road trip to Temple, East Carolina, and Memphis? These programs already do not make money. There aren’t 15 “counselors” per team member writing term papers for “students.” What happens to the kids going to school for presumably the right reason — namely, getting an education — who want to play sports on the side?

I’m not seeing good things coming out of this current chase of the almighty dollar.