In culinary circles, you find a common practice of simmering down protein stock to get a flavorful rendition of the meat. Au jus or demi glace are a couple of examples of this practice. In one other effort (possibly apocryphal), there is the claim that in a laborious process, the renderings of multiple steers — including the meat and bone marrow — are constantly worked down until you get the reduction of up to a dozen Angus bulls down to a few cups of deeply precious flavor.
In the far less favorable case of the polar opposite, we can see that practice in politics. It is possible to distill a character down to the purest form of the politician. I am not referring to the dictionary definition, but the broader accepted inference of the corrupted soul who rises into the capital and exhibits all of the worst traits of the job title, embodying the nature most people have come to loathe in those reptilian souls who stride the marble halls.
I offer up: one serving of Eric Swalwell.
I had been outlining this piece ahead of this weekend’s explosion of news around the California representative, and all of the erupting accusations are right in line with the perception of this creature. Just look at the impotent defenses offered up on his behalf in the wake of multiple charges of sexual assault or impropriety. Suddenly, “Believe all women” is a standard heaved into the recycling bin. The people freely calling President Trump a pedophile and rapist despite withering evidence, are today siding with the predator and questioning the victims.
The laughable aspect is in those declaring this new raft of accusations to be nothing more than a MAGA-generated controversy. Oh sure, the SanFrancisco Chronicle is renowned for being a conservative news organ. Of course, the Democrat operative exposing some of the details is a GOP plant, based on her tenuous connections to that MAGA figure, Katie Porter. And you will not find stronger Trump allies in Congress than…umm…Adam Schiff and Ted Lieu.
This is the laughable result of putting your party faith behind such a risible and corrupted character, like Eric Swalwell.
— Brad Slager: CNN+ Lifetime Subscriber (@MartiniShark) April 12, 2026
In just 4 days @RubenGallego goes from full-throated backing of his pal, to then yanking his endorsement, all over the same type of allegations. pic.twitter.com/yCNeTDKrds
Sorry, you would not see the Democratic Party power base turning on a man like this unless there was something substantive. This is the same man who fell under the sway of a Chinese spy tomato, and the Dems were not only fine with this, but he remained in his seat on an intelligence committee. To see Nancy Pelosi and others today willing to toss Eric over the transom like so much cut bait speaks volumes.
What hews to the bone of this evolving scandal is that everyone on both sides — Republicans and Swalwell’s defenders — essentially acknowledge this is all right in line with his character; that is to say, he is devoid of any character. And we have been seeing the emergence of the trope in these cases, with sources saying they have long known about these issues surrounding the man.
Don’t get it twisted. Nobody has been more critical of Swalwell over the years. I tried repeatedly to get the stories out. I can’t force women to speak out, and when they chose not to, I didn’t push. I also knew that Swalwell was known to threaten litigation.
— Steven Tavares (@eastbaycitizen) April 12, 2026
Here is where we see how Swalwell is that purified form of the “Politician.” For over a decade, this man has typified all of the worst aspects of that title, and yet has enjoyed an ascendency. He has all of the charisma of a flat tire. Eric possesses the communication skills of a sullen teenager. His tradecraft is so corrupted that used car salesmen are grateful he is not on the lot, bringing dishonor to their profession. And yet he has been granted growing stature in D.C.
This is because he is that valuable commodity in party politics, the pliable dolt. He could be relied upon to vote on pure party lines and is willing to go out and perform accordingly in public, with no sense of self-awareness or shame. That netted him camera time and network visits, the anchors and pundits seal-clapping as he tosses talking point mackerel at them.
These media hits gave him the inflated sense of import, and his ego swells while his mind atrophies. Why do the heavy lifting of thinking, when you are hailed for your current level of incompetence?! As the media propped him up like 2x4s bracing a newly planted sapling, Swalwell felt he was a redwood that towered over the taiga in Congress, despite being the simp taken in by a Chi-com honeypot ruse. He was a laughable sort who delivered unearned condescension; the attempted bully whose parents would not allow him to leave his front yard.
The best sign of him swallowing down his own stone soup was in claims that he was being targeted because of the threat he posed to President Trump. There is not one instance of Swalwell delivering anything that constitutes a blockage of Trump’s efforts. You cannot find anything rising to the level of a speed bump in the political process. Yet there he was, the yapping Yorkie, claiming he steered away threats with his bold stances.
The only figures in D.C. who had anything approaching the level of fear were his staffers, who were commanded to shoot videos of Eric preening around the Capitol. So pie-eyed was this man from huffing his own flatulence that he believed he was a viral presence in the popular culture. So he would commission his desperate wonks in his staff to shoot “mook on the street” interviews, as if it were believable that members of the gentry were desperate to hear his cerebral heft on the fly.
The fall of Eric Swalwell cannot be viewed with a metaphorical Icarus comparison. While hubris, yes, applies, he has not achieved heights through genuine efforts. His career is one where a crane deposited him atop a shaky tower of milk crates, rotted pallets, and American Tourister steamer trunks. Instead of carefully situating himself, as attempts were made to shore up his column, he was busy twerking from his pinnacle and leaning over to catcall nubiles strolling by. It was inevitable that he would collapse into a pyre, blaming others for his splintered condition.
This was inevitable when you place so much focus on a shell of a human who is the worst of Congress, boiled down to the essence of that reviled slurry — the ultimate “Politician." So consummate is Swalwell’s demise that he is even being cast aside by his own staffers and campaign workers. And they deserve plenty of condemnation as well. Because if they were not aware of what a corrupted sort they worked for, that only means they are too dense to be involved in politics at any level.
The best thing to do is toss out everything in that pan and order some takeout.
For anyone desperately trying to defend Eric Swalwell from "fraudulent" accusations made by MAGA opponents:
— Brad Slager: CNN+ Lifetime Subscriber (@MartiniShark) April 12, 2026
Not only are Democrats walking away, but after touting his staff endorsing him in November, today they are condemning their own boss. pic.twitter.com/ajUfzhCTUn
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