It has happened again. That nightmare every beer drinker fears: Another major beer heist. This time, the dreadful news comes to us from the United Kingdom, where nefarious malefactors have made off with 70,000 pints of Guinness stout.
That's a lot of joy intended for British consumers that is now just blown away, like one might blow the froth off the top of a frosty, cold one.
British police have a stout task ahead: recovering 70,000 pints worth of stolen Guinness.
Two trailer truckloads of the famously creamy dark beer valued at 115,000 pounds ($155,000) were stolen from a depot near Liverpool in northwest England, the Cheshire Constabulary said Thursday.
“It is famously said that ‘Guinness is good for you,’ but that is only the case when it has been bought and paid for,” Det. Sgt. Gary McClatchy said. “We will settle for nothing less than the full recovery of all the items stolen.”
One wonders just who would have the nerve to brew up a plot like this. This is Guinness that should have ended up in pint mugs in front of honest Britons in their favorite pubs, but now there may be a shortage, forcing Brit drinkers to either wait in the queue for a pint, or else to choose the ale life.
The Guinness had been destined for pubs, but was snatched Monday night by two drivers who pulled up to an industrial park in Runcorn and hauled away the trailers containing about 800 barrels of stout.
The value of the trailers was estimated at 50,000 pounds ($67,000).
The theft was well-planned and well-equipped, as the thieves pulled in with two lorries - that's what they call a truck in Britain, for reasons unknown - hitched onto the trailers full of Guinness barrels, and drove away.
The first lorry was said to have connected to the HGV trailer before leaving the depot at about 7.55 pm in the direction of the Mersey Gateway bridge. The second lorry arrived at the same site at 9.12 pm and connected to another trailer before leaving at 9.30 pm in the direction of Rainhill and Watkinson Way, police said.
I never was a fan of beers that look like used motor oil, but some years back my wife and I had the opportunity to visit Dublin, before the current waves of mass immigration changed the nature of that fine old town. And what they say is true: Guinness is better in Ireland. I drank rather more than I intended to, but what is one to do with a weekend in Dublin if not imbibe real Irish Guinness, along with the odd shot of Irish whiskey? I can presume the Brits, due to their close proximity, should be able to handle the famous Irish stout at least nearly as well as the Irish. Now, though, it looks like supplies will be short for a time.
This theft is particularly troubling, as it may well be a copycat case, as recently some American thieves made off with a truckload of Pabst Blue Ribbon, in another robbery that was lager than life. I mean, crime is one thing, but stealing beer intended for honest citizens right before the weekend? The disappointment may mean more than a few people will be barley functioning. Then again, personally, I find if I drink too much beer, IPA lot.
The thieves in all these cases may yet be caught. In that case, well, ale's well that ends well.
I'll be here all week. Try the bangers and mash.
Editor’s Note: The American people overwhelmingly support President Trump’s law and order agenda, especially when it comes to beer thieves.
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