Note: Nothing in this diary entry should be construed as professional medical expertise or advice. Please consult your doctor or a trusted medical professional if you have further questions about the procedures discussed.
Mom and I knew June was going to be a bit of a challenging month in terms of doctor appointments, with three scheduled for her within a week of each other. That's not something we typically like to do for various reasons - especially in the summer months - but it's just how it worked out this time around.
She had a dermatology appointment first, and then the following week would be her annual CT scans, and then her periodic lab work appointment with the oncologist two days after that, where the results of the scans are also discussed.
These appointments turned out to be far more challenging than I anticipated, and I'm not being overly dramatic when I say that they caused me some sleepless nights as a result.
SEE ALSO (VIP): Caregiver's Diary Part 79: Praying for Calm and Strength Ahead of a Big Day
The dermatologist appointment was fairly routine. He found something mildly concerning, froze it, and asked her to come back for a follow-up in four months.
A few days later, it was time for her to get the CT scans done.
These appointments are nerve-wracking for anyone, especially when you have to get them as part of your post-chemo monitoring, as Mom does. They can tell you if everything appears unchanged from the previous scans or if there is anything new or potentially concerning. In the case of a patient with tumors, it can tell them if they have shrunk or grown in size.
The colon cancer tumor they found during mom's first colonoscopy in October 2022 was removed a few weeks later, so the purpose of mom's scans since she completed her chemo has been to monitor for stability or anything new that might be a sign of recurrence.
She's only had two changes of notable significance in the scans she's had over the years. One was in 2025, in an area that had previously been stable but - without going into too much detail - showed signs of a slight "thickening." Her oncologist wasn't worried about it but recommended she see a specialist if she wanted further evaluation for why the change was happening.
Oftentimes, the changes in this particular area are for reasons that are not a cause for concern. But sometimes they can be a precursor to something concerning on down the road. Because the procedure would have been invasive, and she is kind of done with having anything like that done anymore, she opted against it.
That came up again on this year's scans, with another slight thickening. Again, she has opted not to pursue seeing a specialist about it.
Something new that did come up in this year's scans that concerned both her and me was a small liver lesion. She's had others in the past that have remained stable and which were not a cause for concern for her oncologist because he said they are fairly common and, in the case of the ones previously seen on the scan, were most likely what they call "focal fat." But because she's been through cancer and there was something new on the liver, the radiologist recommended having an MRI for a closer look to be able to conclusively determine what it was.
Because we get the reports before her oncologist does (and this year we got them later than we normally do, which I also freaked out about), I was ready to hit the panic button and began Googling the various scenarios, using ChatGPT to explain the medical terminology in the report, etc.
RELATED (VIP): Caregiver's Diary Part 58: The Fear of the Unknown
By the time we made it to the oncologist's office on Wednesday, I was in full-blown worry mode, wondering what we were going to be told during the visit, wondering how her lab numbers would be, etc.
When he walked in to talk to us, he immediately asked Mom how she was doing. She smiled and said, "I'm fine, and hoping I still feel that way once the appointment is over."
His response put us at ease right away.
"Well, I'm not planning on delivering any bad news today."
Needless to say, that certainly perked us up.
He went on to tell us that the liver lesion is very common and is likely the same as the others that she has, but he also recommended the MRI to get it looked at more closely. But if she didn't want to do that, he suggested bumping up her next CT scan to check to see if the new lesion has grown.
Mom considered doing an MRI, but she's opted not to, and she's been very firm with me about not getting it. The main issue for her is she can't lie on her back outside of short periods of time, even with a pillow under her knees for support. It just hurts her too much, and with MRIs, it's a longer process lying down on the table than the CTs, which usually only take a few minutes, tops.
So she's made her decision about the next steps, and I'm going to be contacting the oncologist's office to refer out for the CTs so she can have them done two days before her next appointment for labs (her numbers from this week's round of lab work came out good, by the way).
Someone else in a similar scenario might opt to get the MRI done, and they would be perfectly within their rights to do so. But though my mom is still in "fight" mode when it comes to cancer, there are things that, at her age (82), she's declining to do. She's not going to get colonoscopies anymore; she's most likely not going to get an MRI done in the future, and she's not going to see a specialist.
She is going to continue getting lab work and CT scans for as long as her oncologist recommends, but beyond that, I'm not sure she'll do anything else - especially if it involves anything invasive or anything that could potentially do more harm than good (which her doctor wouldn't recommend, either). That's just where she is in all of this, and as I've told her before, I'm not going to push her to do anything she doesn't want to, because she's already gone through so much and I can't ask for more than what she's already done.
I've prayed about it and am more at peace with her decisions than one might think, and I believe it stems from learning from the help I gave in caregiving for my dad that at a certain point in the journey, you realize it's not about what you think is best anymore. We don't live forever, and my wish is that her golden years be spent in peace and contentment, and not being put under pressure by me as to what, if anything, she should do next healthwise.
That doesn't mean we won't talk about these decisions and weigh options, but ultimately she is of sound mind and will decide, and I will respect it. I love my mom dearly, and one of the best ways I've learned to show it is by demonstrating understanding and compassion for her thought process on these matters, and by putting my personal feelings to the side. This has been part of my growth process not just as a caregiver but also, more importantly, as a human being and daughter to the most special lady on this earth.
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