Another day, another headline that looks like it’s straight from the satire site, The Babylon Bee.

State Street Global Advisors — actually one of the world’s largest investment companies — has announced that henceforth, its leaders will need permission to hire white men as part of the company’s new diversity hiring initiative. “This is now front and central for State Street; it’s on every senior executive’s scorecard,” said Jess McNicholas, the company’s head of inclusion, diversity, and corporate citizenship.

State Street Global Advisors is the investment management division of State Street Corporation and the world’s fourth-largest asset manager, with nearly $3.59 trillion in listed assets under management as of March 31, 2021. The company has nearly 40,000 employees and more than 30 offices worldwide.

Incidentally, a quick trip to the company website reveals, front and center:

Focus on Climate Change

The decisions and goals coming out of COP26 will likely impact investment opportunities and risks for the foreseeable future.

Our Climate Compendium offers insights and research on ESG trends and climate-related investment opportunities to help you navigate investing in an era of climate change.

Learn more about our ESG solutions.

Any questions?

“All of our leaders have to demonstrate at their annual appraisals what they have done to improve female representation and the number of colleagues from ethnic-minority backgrounds,” the company further said, as reported by Fox News. Nope, that’s not sexist or racist at all.

The company plans to triple the number of Black, Asian and other minority staff in senior positions by 2023, the Sunday Times reported. If executives don’t meet the target, they will face lowered bonuses. Ah, quotas. Yeah, that’s not racist or all kinds of wrong, either.

It gets even more insane.

Recruiters will now have to establish panels of four or five employees, according to The Sunday Times, which must include at least one woman and one minority person, when hiring middle management staff. While the investment firm will still hire white men, recruiters will now be required to show that women and minority applicants were interviewed by the panels.

McNichols — again, gang, the company’s head of inclusion, diversity, and corporate citizenship — said State Street is pledging to “hold ourselves accountable for strengthening black and Latinx owned businesses.”

Um, guess what, Mr. Head of inclusion, diversity, and corporate citizenship?

Two things: “Hispanic” is a more inclusive term than “Latino.” That said, a 2020 Pew Research Center poll found that just one in four Hispanics have heard the ridiculous term “Latinx,” and even worse (better), less than 3 percent of Hispanics use it.

State Street made headlines in 2017, as noted by Fox News, when it commissioned the statue of a girl staring down Wall Street’s “Charging Bull” sculpture for International Women’s Day.

The sculpture, known as the “Fearless Girl Statue,” was later moved to the New York Stock Exchange building after complaints from the sculptor of the Charging Bull.

The asset mgmt co SSGA commissioned the installation of the Fearless Girl statue a few years ago to celebrate and advertise its gender diversity index fund. Netflix, Salesforce, Nike inc, PayPal, Visa are some of the top companies in this fund. pic.twitter.com/BEbiXdmTnn

— ND (@navdhad) November 1, 2021

If my last line above doesn’t seem like it’s written by the guys at Babylon Bee…