Tonight’s “Buzz’s Bedtime Story” is a funny one, at least to me! What happens when aircrew members are bored. Be careful what you’re looking for, it might not be what you find... (You might need an adult beverage for this one.)
In my many years flying C-141s and among many various operations, I was one of the Air Force pilots chosen by the CIA/DEA to fly discreet, “quiet” missions in and around the world. Really interesting flying, and to places I wouldn’t normally go; we wore regular civilian clothes with no reference to the US Air Force. It was fun. Generally, we’d get to some exotic location and turn the airplane over to the “customers” while we rested. I had a rough idea what we were carrying but not the specifics. I do know that I had a letter signed by the President of the United States that all cargo was exempt from customs and agriculture.
READ MORE: Buzz's Bedtime Stories: Returning Home
Buzz's Bedtime Stories: Sneaking Around the World
On one particular mission, we were flying around Asia and the Middle East. Our last stop one day was Chaing Mai, Thailand. We had a few days off and none of us had ever been there. And, they put us up in a really nice place. So, we decided to make the most out of it.
The whole crew took a taxi for a day trip to a Buddhist Temple to check it out, and immediately became a nuisance. Wat Phra Singh Woramahaw, or something like that. One of the loadmasters kept singing Snoop Dogg's songs, out loud. Loadmasters, am I right? 🤣 They asked us to leave.
Then, we visited a shop that spun worms into silk. It was cool but depressing. Just a bunch of young women and girls, spinning worms.
All in all, it was a fun day of crew sightseeing, and lots of frivolity. Never drop an American aircrew into Chaing Mai. The one-liners were flying. 🤣
So, we get back to the hotel, and head to our rooms. One of the other pilots, Jeff, notices the pretty girl behind the reception desk and says, “Hey, where do you all go at night? What’s fun to do here?” So, he’s semi-hitting on her but not.
She tells him about a “dance club” called The Blue Moon. She raved about it. So, Jeff turns to me and says “That’s where we’re going tonight!” I’m sure he fully expected the girl at the hotel to show up.
The rest of the crew peeled off and headed for their rooms. But Jeff was adamant and it sounded fun, so what the hell. We jumped into a bike taxi thing, sat in the back, and asked the driver to take us to The Blue Moon. His expression was priceless. He took a pause, smiled, and pedaled away. I picked up on it but Jeff missed it.
We get to a really nice-looking night club. Like Las Vegas nice. The bike dude drops us off, we pay him, and head in. It’s nighttime outside but when we walk in I realize that this place is really dark inside. Really dark. Just lights from the bar areas, individual tables, and a big stage with performers decked out, mostly a female dance review of some sort. Again, Las Vegas-like. We paid our cover and doorman walked us to our table.
We settle in, order a couple beers, and start watching the show. Beautiful girls dancing and some guy in a tux singing. It was not what we expected but it was entertaining, in a different kind of way.
The waiter brings us our beers and we shift our focus back to the stage. At least we can see the stage. Suddenly, I feel hands on my shoulders. WTF? I turn around and it’s our waiter. He’s giving me a massage. I politely decline and start looking around. My eyes were adjusting to the light.
I look around the room. It’s dudes! All single dudes! Then, I look up at the stage and study for a bit. The “beautiful girls” were all beautiful dudes! I felt sick to my stomach and turned to Jeff. And this is exactly what I said. “Jeff, dude. Look around. Those girls on the stage? They’re dudes. It’s all dudes.”
Jeff looked around and then back at me. He looked like a frightened teenage girl watching a horror flick. We both bust out laughing. Uncontrollably.
We get up to leave and the doorman calls us another bike taxi. The waiter protested and tried to coax us back.
We’re standing out front waiting and, no sh*t, the same guy pedals up to pick us up. He was laughing the whole time we were in there, I guarantee it. We all laugh and head back to the hotel. I had a blast but Jeff was a beaten man. He’d been had and he knew it.
What’s even more fun? I’ve never let him forget it.
