Have you ever, you know, done it on an airplane?

I’m speaking, to be clear, of relieving yourself in an adult diaper — I wasn’t sure if you’ve ever been a flight attendant in China.

Where the People’s Republic is concerned, such appears to be the state of the air up there.

In these troubled times, the Asian nation’s aviation regulator is recommending workers stay safe from the inconvenience of COVID.

Hence, Civil Aviation Administration of China wants cabin crew on charter flights into high-risk locales to live luxuriously — dare I say, Pampered.

Pampers New Diaper Pants, XL, 112 Count

Pampers New Diaper Pants, XL, 112 Count

4.4 out of 5 stars 3,290

₹ 761.00 – ₹ 1,603.00 pic.twitter.com/5oALdmME9r

— Meenakshi (@Dpk_deepanshi) December 10, 2020

The Washington Post reports:

China’s transportation officials are recommending flight attendants wear disposable diapers and avoid restrooms at all costs on flights serving countries with high rates of coronavirus cases…

So what’s “high”? That’d be any infection rate over 500 cases per million.

For reference, America’s rate — as of December 10th — is 660 per.

At this rate, it may be difficult to come up with decent April Fools' Day stories come next spring …https://t.co/P5Bequcucn

— Prof Francois Balloux (@BallouxFrancois) December 10, 2020

In nearly everything China does I see only a dystopian future and it surprises me because this great ancient civilisation is sacrificing everything in the name of productivity and economic domination. There is a lesson to be learnt here, and it is not too late…

— Sonia Mansour Robaey (@SoniaMRobaey) December 10, 2020

And changing their diaper won’t spread covid but going to the toilet will 🤦‍♀️

— Zoe (@ZoePrecious2020) December 10, 2020

Why do you find this odd? Faecal spray, when you flush the toilet, has been shown to carry Covid19

— Sibéal Ní Fallúin🕊3.5% 🇮🇪 #WearaMask 🦚🇪🇺 (@NiSibeal) December 10, 2020

I just go for a spacesuit! Far roomier, and blow out containment is a non-issue

— Rich Perkins (@RrrPeeSRC) December 10, 2020

The directive to be dapper in a diaper comes as part of a greater set of guidelines issued November 25th.

The 38-page instructional also advises to, on lower-risk excursions, designate a private restroom facility for the crew.

And it isn’t only diapers stewardesses and stewards will be donning.

From the CAAC’s section on PPE:

Personal protective equipment for cabin crew: surgical masks, double-layer disposable gloves, goggles, disposable nonwoven hat, disposable gown, disposable shoe covers. Flight attendants are advised to wear diapers.

Air-travel toilets are a steamy topic at the moment, as pointed out by the Post:

Studies in recent months have suggested that plane cabins are lower-risk coronavirus environments than previously thought when passengers wear masks. But doctors have also signaled that lavatories on long-haul flights are at a substantial risk of being contaminated with the coronavirus.

High tech’s on it:

[B]oeing is developing airplane lavatories that can sanitize themselves in under three seconds.

But ’til that’s standard equipment, will China’s protocol, in a word, trickle to airlines in the States?

And here’s a thought: If our lockdowned lives continue on their present path (and I believe they will), especially for lengthy flights, how long before passengers are asked to do the same as staff?

Perhaps on a future trip, when your stomach gets that cabin pressure, no matter where you’re sitting or standing, you’ll just spread your wings…and fly.

In the meantime, if you’re on a Chinese flight and the attendant walks by, tighten your mask — it’ll presumably be a big plane — by no means just a crop duster; closer to a bomber. And the attendant may have just dropped one.

-ALEX

See more pieces from me:

Doggone: Department of Transportation Bans Emotional Support Animals

All Heck Breaks Loose in Taiwan as Brawling Lawmakers Throw Pig Guts at Each Other

A Rat Surfs the Flood in the Philippines, and It’s the Best Symbol of 2020 I’ve Seen – Except One

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