Breaking: The Olympics Adds Breakdancing, and My Money's on the Guy in Red

Lee Jin-man

 

Does 2020 have you spinnin’? Has it turned you on your head?

If so, you could be an athlete — at the upcoming Paris Olympics.

Sure, you’ll need training. But you’ve got nearly 4 years to whittle your craft.

The sport at hand? Breakdancing.

That’s right — if you’ve always had a penchant for the worm, the coin drop, and the scissors; if you’ve always wanted to pop out a coffee grinder, windmill, and baby freeze…you’ve got a real shot at showin’ off your corkscrew, air chair, and hollowback in front of the whole world.

As observed by The Daily Wire, “Seeking to attract younger viewers for the international games — ratings have flagged of late — the International Olympic Committee (IOC) on Monday announced that breakdancing has been added as a sport for the 2024 games being held in Paris.”

The World DanceSport Federation’s tickled pink.

Per CNN, President Shawn Tay enthused accordingly:

“Today is a historic occasion, not only for b-boys and b-girls but for all dancers around the world. The WDSF could not be prouder to have breaking included at Paris 2024, and we thank everyone who helped make it possible: the executive board of the IOC, the Paris 2024 organizers, the WDSF staff and, most importantly, the breaking community itself. It was a true team effort to get to this moment and we will redouble our efforts in the lead-up to the Olympic Games to make sure the breaking competition at Paris 2024 will be unforgettable.”

Will you be more inclined to watch?

For those who long ago sat in a cineplex to enjoy the celluloid superiority of Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, this might be your chance to relive the good ol’ days — you know, the era when you could go to the movies, go out to eat, have company for the holidays, and see other human beings’ faces.

But speaking of nostalgia, is such an addition set to snare the young folk? The committee already added skateboarding, surfing, and sport climbing for Tokyo in 2021; I’m not sure anyone under 35 knows what breakdancing is.

Either way, as for the competition, I’ve readied my list of candidates.

Sure, there are a few on the Democrat side who’ve shown some fancy footwork through the years:

But their nemesis is nimble, and I think he’s set to dominate the dance floor:

Sometimes he keeps it low-key:

But the guy’s got his own crew:

And when he cuts loose in 2024, boy, is he gonna rock the world:

Nonetheless, there’s no reason everyone can’t take part.

Alyssa Milano’s called for unity; let’s give it to her.

Beat it, Joe:

-ALEX

 

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