Let's say you worked out how to make a robot. Let's say you successfully designed a quadruped robot - a "robot dog," if you like. Your robot dog is stable, reliable, has a good battery life, and is remotely controllable.

What would you do next? You know, to make your robot dog more awesome? Well, the answer is obvious. You'd put a flamethrower on it!

The year is 2024 and technology is doing incredible things. For the first time ever, you can purchase a walking robot dog with a flame thrower on its back. Yes, the Thermonator, which was announced late last year, is finally available for purchase in the United States. Shockingly, the product can be yours for a mere $9,420—which is a lot of money but still seems like a weirdly low price for a fire-breathing robot. I’m not sure what you’ll do with this fire-spouting contraption once you’ve bought it, but I know one thing: you’ll never, ever, ever use it to cause anyone any problems, right?

Yes, the Thermonator robot flamethrower dog is for sale, for the modest price of $9,420. I confess, at first viewing, I spent some time wondering how I could justify buying one of these without having my wife immediately on the phone with a divorce lawyer; sadly, I came up with nothing. Oh, I have a flamethrower, sort of; it's a huge cigar lighter that runs off of a big propane tank, used to burn off plants intruding on our gravel driveway. But, obviously, it's not mounted on a robot dog, which really is the only way to make a flamethrower more fun.

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Even better: The Thermonator's flame thrower isn't just a glorified, upscaled cigar lighter. Its flamethrower has a 30-foot range because you shouldn't have to go that far to set something on fire.

The Thermonator, the product of Ohio flame thrower manufacturer Throwflame, is a 26-pound robotic quadruped that comes equipped with one of the company’s characteristic ARC flamethrowers mounted on its back. The bot can shoot fire in a 30-foot stream and comes with a built-in fuel tank powered by gasoline. The company says the robot also has an hour-long battery, a laser sight, and lidar mapping, and it can be remotely controlled via the company’s app. 

Yes, you read that right: this isn't just a robot dog, it's not just a robot dog with a flamethrower - it's a robot dog with a flamethrower and a laser sight and lidar terrain mapping. The only way this could possibly be any better would be if you could control it remotely with one of Elon Musk's brain chips. 

Oh, this will lead to the inevitable questions about whether this should be legal, and the wisdom of having a flamethrower at all, much less one mounted on a robot dog. The flamethrower argument is easy to address; if I'm over here, and the thing I want to set on fire is over there, nothing else is going to get the job done. But the Thermonator gives me yet another option - send my robot flamethrower dog over there to set the thing on fire.

This is about as 'Merica as you can get. Someone needs to let the Marine Corps and the Army know about this; this thing seems purpose-built for urban warfare, and the grunts would no doubt put this to good use un-aliving bad guys. As for the possible home defense purposes, I can only remind you: Build a man a fire, and he's warm for an hour. Set a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life.