Note: Nothing in this article should be construed as medical advice. Please consult your doctor if you've experienced similar symptoms.
A few days ago, I wrote about a health scare I had on the night of February 18th, going into the 19th, and then again the following night after I went to bed, something that happened in the overnight hours that shook me up and which had me making a doctor appointment two days later to get checked out and get some bloodwork to hopefully figure out what was going on.
Because writing about that night and everything I experienced actually stirs up anxious feelings I'd rather not revisit, I'm gonna drop the link below so you can read the backstory about what happened and the trip to the doctor's office that followed, in case you missed it.
READ MORE (VIP): Caregiver's Diary Part 77: One of the Scariest Nights of My Life
In a nutshell, the doctor believes what I do, that what I dealt with those two nights was something called a nocturnal panic attack. Now, I've had experience with anxiousness and even full-blown anxiety attacks at times in my life, as most people have, but this was different, and each time it has happened, it's been after I've fallen asleep, usually between 15 and 30 minutes after.
The first night, it took me two hours to work my way through it, and I actually think I made it worse because an anxiety attack also kicked in as I was trying to process everything I was going through at the time. The second night it happened, it only lasted for about 15 minutes before it subsided. I think what helped me get through it quicker that second night was my realization that panicking the first time it happened made it worse.
Bloodwork from the doctor's visit all came out fine, and an EKG was taken, the result of which was normal. I was prescribed an "as-needed" short-term med in the event I experienced more episodes.
Well, I have. Two to be exact. But in both instances, how I responded was, again, different than that first night - and I did it without taking the medication prescribed to me. I've incorporated some other coping and calming techniques, like taking deep breaths, talking purposefully to God, running my hands over a soft material (quilt), and reciting positive affirmations about how I'm safe and that this will pass.
Something I wanted to mention was that in my last piece about this, several readers emphasized how I really needed to work on decreasing the stress levels and needed to get better at asking for and accepting help, which is true.
When my sisters have been here, something I've noticed about myself is that I'll start doing something, and when they come and say, "Let me help you with that," or "Let me do that," I reflexively respond, "I've got it." Some of it is a control thing, some of it is a habit thing, and I absolutely need to work on that.
But something I also referenced in my prior write-up was that I had not been under any additional caregiver stress at the time these panic attacks started happening. There was nothing "extra" about mom's health or mine weighing on my mind. The attacks really just came out of nowhere.
A couple of days ago, I was washing dishes, and a thought suddenly hit me about maybe why these attacks started, and specifically why they're only happening at night when I go to sleep.
As readers probably know, I've become heavily invested in the Nancy Guthrie missing persons case and have written about it and studied it quite a bit. The operating theory is that she was abducted from her bed as she slept, which, for me, hit especially hard, considering I tuck my mom into bed every night to make sure she's warm, comfortable, and feeling safe. I think of Nancy Guthrie now when I'm saying good night to Mom.
SEE ALSO: Caregiver's Diary Part 74: The 'Purrito'
Readers and writers alike can get so caught up in an ongoing current event that it can subconsciously impact them in other ways, some of them positive and some of them negative. They may have dreams or nightmares about it, or inexplicably find themselves pondering it when their focus should be on something entirely different.
I know when COVID first hit, we obviously had to write about it quite a bit, and just the daily deluge of news and information and what you had to sift through - including the rising case numbers and death toll, it really got to folks. There were times I had to step away from the computer for a few days and try to get away from the subject to the extent I could. Sometimes I even had nightmares about it, about family members catching it, me catching it, etc.
I'm not definitively saying that the Guthrie case has caused these panic attacks for me, but I do believe it's a plausible theory, or at the very least a contributing factor. Hormonally, there have also been recent changes that may have affected my sleep patterns and habits.
I plan on mentioning all of this to the doctor, whom I'll be seeing next week for a follow-up visit. Also, next week is mom's next routine follow-up visit with her medical oncologist to check bloodwork, etc. So it's going to be a pretty big week for us both, and we could use some prayers.
Thanks again for walking with me through this new and unexpected journey in my life. It can be tricky writing about medical issues, because one of your first worries is that you may be judged negatively for the decisions you make and don't make. But I've never felt that here. I appreciate any and all suggestions, tips, etc, because I know they come from a place of concern.
DIVE DEEPER: To check out my previous Caregiver's Diary entries, please click here. Thank you!
