One of the most important lessons we learn in life is to always expect the unexpected. That has certainly been the case for me to the point that I try my best to "go with the flow" once that unexpected thing happens, and readjust my outlook, priorities, etc., accordingly.
But there are some unexpected things that just hit you so hard that it throws your world completely off balance. My mom being diagnosed with stage IIIB colon cancer in October 2022 at the age of 79, and just four months after my dad passed away, was unquestionably one of those moments for me. We had known for some time that something was wrong, but we certainly weren't expecting that.
More recently, as in last week, another unexpected thing happened that shook me to the core, and had me coming face to face with my own mortality.
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While that may sound dramatic, I assure you it is most certainly not.
Last Wednesday evening, Mom and I were doing our normal routines of getting ready for bed. The only thing different about it was that it was a little later than normal for us, around 11:15 or so. I administered the "purrito" to her as I do every night, kissed her on the forehead, and went to my room for what I assumed would be a routine night's sleep.
About 30 minutes later, I got up and asked Mom if she wanted me to turn her electric blanket down a degree or two. I normally put it on the "3" setting in the wintertime, as that's the way she likes it. But it was warmer than normal towards the end of the week, and I figured she might get too warm. She was okay with me turning the setting down, and after that, I went back to bed, where I was awake for maybe another 45 minutes or so (it usually takes me a while to fall asleep).
Around 1:30, however, I woke up, partly because I had to go to the bathroom and partly because I didn't feel right. My body didn't feel like my own. I was jittery, panicky, slightly disoriented and confused, and suddenly afraid of the dark. I called out to my mom and told her I wanted to come in there with her because I didn't want to be alone.
I got up slowly to let the blood circulate a bit, but though our rooms are right next to each other, I felt like I was walking in slow motion. At one point, I told my mom that I hoped I'd be able to make it, because I had to grab on to the doorframe of her bedroom door to keep myself standing. For a few seconds, I truly thought I was going to pass out.
My lower half felt completely disconnected from my upper half, but I found my way to my mom's bed, where I sat next to her as she comforted me and tried to calm me down as we tried to figure out what was going on.
I don't remember everything that happened after that. I just know that I was shaking like a leaf, was talking on and off to try to keep my system from shutting down, we debated calling 911, and that it was imperative that the lights be on in mom's room. After about two hours, where mom (in full Mom Mode) made two trips to the kitchen for me to get some things like Gatorade, a plain bagel, and some cookies (I was scared I'd fall on the way to the kitchen), I was finally calm enough to lie down and attempt to go back to sleep.
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In the light of day and after a bit of research, Mom and I speculated that maybe my blood sugar had dropped. It was possible, even though, to my knowledge, I'd never had that happen before, certainly not to the point I felt like I was going to pass out. She wanted me to make a doctor appointment, but I stubbornly insisted this was probably a one-off. I did tell her if it happened again, I'd be going to the doctor for sure.
That Thursday night, going into Friday, I had a similar experience, though fortunately, that one lasted only for about 15 minutes rather than two hours, and I didn't feel like I was going to pass out.
First thing Friday, I made myself a morning appointment to see a doctor. It wasn't my regular PCP, but it was another doctor in the same office. Bloodwork was taken, and an EKG was done. I also talked to the doctor about my life, about what I do (caregiver and work a full-time job), the fact that I was still going through hormonal changes even though I was post-meno, and told her that I was prone to anxious moments and sometimes outright anxiety attacks due to the stress levels and hormonal fluctuations.
My new theory about what happened was that it was a possible nocturnal panic attack two nights in a row, where, inexplicably, a panic attack hits you in the middle of your sleep. This is something that had never happened to me, but that was something that certainly shouldn't be ruled out.
Though the doctor was inclined to agree after I told her what happened (and assured her I never felt any pain or numbness), she did the EKG as a precautionary measure and was able to give me the results, which, thank God, were normal, before I left. She also wrote me an "as-needed" prescription in the event another episode happens, which I'm obviously hoping I don't have to take.
The bloodwork results came in Friday night, and didn't show low blood sugar, signs of diabetes, or high cholesterol or anything like that.
I have a follow-up appointment in two weeks, so the doctor can see if I've had any more incidents and if so, if the meds helped.
Needless to say, whether the diagnosis was correct or not, this has really shaken me up and caused me to reevaluate (again) my daily routine and how I manage stress (not very well). Fri/Sat/Sun night, I was actually afraid to go to bed, but thankfully, there have been no episodes since that second one. And I'm praying there will be no more such incidents.
I have changed my nightly rituals up a bit, which may have helped. I'm putting my phone down sooner, and am sleeping with the lights on at least for the first hour or so. I also put a nightlight in the room. There's also an "emergency" stash of Gatorade, something sweet, and a plain bagel in my room just in case I need it. I'm also working on ways to try to better manage stress.
The diagnosis I was given seems to make the most sense, but I'm interested to hear from others to see if they've had similar experiences like this and how they handled them.
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