In which I do something for 'Amherst Uprising' that Amherst College itself would not do.

Which is to say: I will now attempt to teach the students there proper English.  Well… not all Amherst students. Just the ones who looked at this little screed and said, “Why, this is very educated and erudite prose!”

Well, that’s not quite true. I sincerely doubt that the kids who treat Amherst College as an insanely expensive adult day care center (annual cost per student per year: sixty-eight to seventy-one thousand dollars) use the word erudite in everyday conversation. I would not bet that they can even spell it on their own, frankly. At any rate: onto my annotations, corrections, and suggestions!

And I’m not going to bother describing the semantic content of the original.  Because there really wasn’t any to begin with, honestly: it’s just a bunch of adult children who got upset over ‘All Lives Matter’ and ‘Free Speech’ posters, and are now apparently protesting because they don’t understand the difference between ‘Bad’ and ‘No!’ I’d think it’s a shame that they’re wasting their parents’ money like this, except that I blame the parents for letting their kids get this way…

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Moe Lane

PS: For extra credit, see how long you can read this bitter anti-gun screed by a couple of University of Texas professors – PROFESSORS! – before you wish that they’d just go into the back room and put Standard Written English out of its misery. If you’re wondering where the hardcore progressive college kids are getting their crazy, half-literate slang these days, wonder no more; they’re getting it from their more radical teachers.  And the teachers should be ashamed of themselves for letting that happen.

Note: ‘should.’