Ted Cruz Defends Texas' Honor, Destroys Gross Media Lie

Ted Cruz will allow no one to slander the good name of Texas, no matter what the issue is. However, there are few issues as important to Texas, and the South as a whole, as its cooking.

Munchies, a part of Vice Media that focuses on food, presented a story that most in the South would find appalling.

That, dearest friends, is not barbeque. That is, at best, a sample of what appears to be dry brisket. That might as well be off the kids’ menu at any decent barbeque restaurant.

Senator Ted Cruz, as an honest Texas man, was as appalled as the rest of us, and was quick to inform Munchies that the premise of the story was a bit ridiculous.

For those unaware, “bless your hearts” is the Southern equivalent of “You sad, sad person,” and it’s wholly appropriate because whoever thinks what Munchies displays in that picture is barbeque has clearly missed out on good barbeque all their lives.

Texas is one of the four primary regions in the United States that has its own signature barbeque style. Joining it are the Carolinas (which boast no less than three distinct variations between the two states), Kansas City, and Memphis.

And while there is debate over which of those regional staples is best, I believe we can all agree that whatever Brooklyn barbeque is, it’s nowhere near as good as any of them.