Greetings from the sports desk located somewhere below decks of the Good Pirate Ship RedState. Sammy the Shark and Karl the Kraken send their apologies for not having written any stories lately, but to their credit, at least they know what constitutes pass interference in pro football, something the officiating crew at the Los Angeles Rams at Detroit Lions game on January 14 cannot say. It remains one of sports' biggest mysteries how what is easily this country’s biggest sport relies on part-time employees for its officiating. It also doesn’t rely on replay review to the extent of other sports despite having 387 cameras at every game capturing every play from every angle. But whatever.

Two games are left in this first week of the 2024 playoffs, each taking place on Monday, January 15, assuming both teams can make it to Highmark Stadium on said date for the already once-rescheduled Steelers-Bills game. The weather forecast for Orchard Park, in which Highmark Stadium resides, on Monday, January 15, calls for a balmy high of 18° with possible snow showers and winds up to 20 mph. Doubtless, the Eagles and Buccaneers, playing later the same day in Tampa, can fully sympathize. I mean, it might rain in Tampa and get all the way down into the mid-60s! Oh, the humanity!

Anyway, there will be games played, and they will probably be atrociously officiated.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Buffalo Bills — No one is quite certain how Pittsburgh made it into the playoffs. The Steelers offense, currently featuring Mason Rudolph at quarterback, was wretched all year. He did win the three games he started this season, but there is a reason why he started the season as Pittsburgh’s third-string quarterback. Making matters worse for the Steelers is that their top defensive player, T.J. Watt, is out with a sprained MCL.

The Bills had a schizophrenic season, veering from being out of the playoffs to their current position as the #2 seed. Josh Allen had more picks than a touring guitarist, but nevertheless led the Buffalo offense to high-octane levels, both rushing and passing. The defense was excellent in all areas.

Don’t expect a shootout in this one. Which, given my prognostication skills (or, to be more accurate, total lack thereof), should guarantee a 34-31 score before halftime. Do expect a heavy betting line on how many Bills Mafia members go shirtless during the contest. Should Buffalo win, they host Taylor Swift’s boyfriend and Jake from State Farm … er, Kansas City in the next round. If Pittsburgh pulls off the upset, they go to Baltimore.

Philadelphia Eagles at Tampa Bay Buccaneers — At season’s start, the Eagles looked unstoppable. By season’s end, they more closely resembled Ron Stoppable. After a Week 13 shellacking by San Francisco, Philadelphia disintegrated on all fronts and limped into the playoffs. It was a group effort. Everyone was atrocious.

Tampa Bay won the NFC South more by default than merit, as the Buccaneers rode Baker Mayfield’s unsteady arm throughout an up-and-down year. The only thing Tampa Bay did well was not allowing the other team to score much. Which, come to think of it, is a quite important statistic to have in one’s favor.

It’s hard to gin up much enthusiasm for this contest. Still, someone has to win and, in doing so, get to go to Detroit next weekend. A thrill for some, no doubt.