Here at the sports desk located somewhere below decks of the Good Pirate Ship RedState, we take a moment from not filling out our NCAA brackets to glance through the weekend that was in sports. We do so without the assistance of Clyde “Cowboy” Critchendufer, who became so excited when the Wyoming Cowboys were selected for the NCAA men’s basketball tournament he and his horse Four Left Hoofs Filbert jumped into the ocean together and are still doing laps around the ship.

We start with the aforementioned NCAA basketball tournament, or as they call it in France Foile de Mars. When they call it anything at all. Let’s face it; the French probably pay less attention to the tournament than Americans pay to the women’s tournament. Anyway, the top four seeds are Gonzaga, Arizona, Baylor, and Kansas. The championship will be April fourth at the Superdome in New Orleans. On the women’s side, the top four seeds are South Carolina, North Carolina State, Louisville, and Stanford. The championship will be April third in a Target parking lot … er, the Target Center in Minneapolis. Kidding aside, can we stop with the silliness that all women’s college basketball needs is more publicity to be on an equal footing with the guys?

On to football. Tom Brady’s retirement lasted about as long as the average Kardashian relationship, as he announced Sunday he’d be coming back for another year with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Apparently hanging out all day every day with Giselle and the kids wasn’t as enthralling as he had hoped. The move takes the Buccaneers out of the Deshaun Watson sweepstakes, doubtless much to the Carolina Panthers and New Orleans Saints’ relief. Speaking of Watson, given that he will not be facing criminal charges regarding allegations of sexual misconduct, one wonders why the NFL hasn’t also said “We’re out,” as well. Meanwhile, other teams looking for a starting quarterback are … um, still looking.

Briefly looking at tennis, the fragility that is Naomi Osaka once again disintegrated when, during her second-round loss to 21st seed Veronika Kudermetova at the BNP Paribas Open in Indian Wells, California this past Saturday, someone in the stands yelled “You suck!” at Osaka during the first set which she lost 6-0. First, she asked that the fan be kicked out. This was rejected. Then she asked to address the crowd. This was also rejected. Finally after losing the second set 6-4 and, with it, the match, Osaka did address the crowd and blamed her copious flow of lacrimal fluid on … something that happened to Venus and Serena Williams at the same tournament 20 years ago, when Daddy Dearest Richard Williams and offspring conspired via Venus suffering a mysterious “injury” and thus conceding her match to Serena. Osaka was four at the time. That’s one sensitive rugrat.

We now sneak a peek at baseball. With spring training having finally started, teams are looking to fill roster holes by developing young talent and building from within. Or, throwing money around with sheer abandon. How else can you explain the San Francisco Giants handing an injury-prone Carlos Rodón, a pitcher with one good year, $44M for two years? One shudders to think of how big a paycheck will need to be cut for Freddy Freeman.

Finally, in hockey, last Saturday, March 12th, the Seattle Metropolitans won the Stanley Cup by defeating the Montreal Canadiens 4-3 in a shootout. The game had originally been scheduled for the Seattle Ice Arena, but due to unavailability as it was torn down in 1963 the game was played in Montreal. Thus, the series was won three games to one by the Metropolitans, the deciding game being played after a slight delay of 102 years. Congratulations Metropolitans!