Why the Seattle Kraken Should Be Your New Favorite Team

(AP Photo/Elaine Thompson)

Having finally written that last big check — apparently, team co-owner Jerry Bruckheimer successfully identified which of his bank accounts had the most Pirates of The Caribbean residuals — the Seattle Kraken were officially welcomed into the National Hockey League Friday. Even before playing a single game, or, for that matter, having a single player under contract, the team has already won a title, assuming playing its home games in the silliest named sports venue imaginable is a title. Climate Pledge Arena, anyone?

Despite the goofball arena name and residing in a city leaning so far left it makes AOC look like Alex Jones, there’s actually much to recommend this member of the NHL’s Original Thirty-Two as a rooting interest for the currently homeless sporting aficionados. In no particular order:

The name. Although it certainly inspires many variations thereof, few of them overly complementary (personal favorite is Seattle Squidwards), naming a professional sports team after a mythical creature is hardly unique. Witness how many teams in multiple leagues are named dragons, griffins, unicorns, or the Mighty Ducks. Also, given how the Kraken occupy the same division as the Vancouver Canucks, whose logo is a killer whale, and the San Jose Sharks, whose logo is, amazingly enough, a shark, the sea shanties that can be written about upcoming epic battles on the frozen ocean are eagerly anticipated.

The look. Merchandising is a vital element of every modern sports franchise, and in this area the Kraken definitely hit a home run, thus placing them one hit ahead of anything the Seattle Mariners have accomplished ever since they traded Ken Griffey Jr. The logo is clever without being gimmicky, the team colors appropriate, and the uniform design is clean and neat. In a city already boasting the absolute ugliest uniforms presently available in any professional sport — here’s looking at you, Seahawks — it’s refreshing to see that at least one franchise got it right from the get-go.

The co-owner. Namely, the aforementioned Hollywood mega mogul and money-making machine Bruckheimer. He is at least a nominal conservative, having donated to John McCain and then Mitt Romney’s failed presidential runs. These are pretty much the only failures with which he’s been associated. In his fifty-plus years working in movies and television, when your films have made some $10.8 billion dollars at the box office, and you also have several truckloads full of smash television series on your resume, even Hollywood is willing to overlook your political leanings. Bruckheimer also apparently has a Georgia Satellites CD in his car, and to date he’s obviously kept his hands to himself given how there has not been so much as a hint of sexually predatory behavior assigned to his name.

And there you have it: a team, albeit one showing the usual woke smoke on its website, worth rooting for when it hits the ice this fall. Even if it’s in Seattle.