Promoted from the diaries by streiff. Promotion does not imply endorsement.
Time for some more social justice fun as this writer presents seven of the weirdest, strangest and laughable social justice stories that may (or may not) have been covered on these hallowed pages at Restate:
Lock Up the Children and Take Their Cell Phones
According to TMZ, Anthony Weiner has been released from prison for good behavior and now resides in an undisclosed halfway house somewhere in New York. The infamous sexter who likes 15-year-old girls once went by the moniker “Carlos Danger.” Worse than his strange sexual peccadilloes, no one has called him out for cultural appropriation with that name.
They’re All Gay, But Not the Right Gays
In 2017, the city of Palm Springs, California made history by electing an all-gay city council. This collection of homosexuals, lesbians and trannies has a problem now- they are all white. This is unfair, says a Latino civil rights group. Considering that the population of Palm Springs is 25% Latino, this writer says it is high time more gay Latinos become city council members!
#MeToo Gets In On the Statue Game
It seems that a statue of that iconic World War II picture of a sailor kissing a nurse in Times Square has fallen prey to some #MeToo harpies. The statue in Sarasota, Florida was recently vandalized (two days after the real sailor from that picture passed away at age 95) when someone wrote in red paint “Me Too” on the woman’s leg. Police have no suspects but this writer suggests they look for a woman with green dyed hair and hairy armpits.
If There Are Racist Statues, There Must Be Racist Buildings
The University of Southern California has formed a committee to deal with troublesome names of some of their buildings since they “may invoke views and practices that we no longer support.” Citing buildings whose names may “cause pain for members of our community,” the committee will make recommendations for assigning names to the Memory Hole. Suggested replacement names: the Sanger Institute of Biology, the Marx Building for Political Science, and the Pol Pot Culinary Institute.
If There Are Racist Statues and Buildings, There Must Be Racist Shoes
Katy Perry is an alleged singer who once sang about the virtues of kissing a girl and liking it. She has since branched out by developing a line of footwear which was picked up by Dillard’s and Wal-Mart. There is just one problem: the footwear has what appears to be a face on them and one of the shoes comes in the color black. So shouted the social justice warriors: “the shoes are depicting a blackface” and blackface is verboten (unless you are a Democratic governor of Virginia). Predictably, both Dillard’s and Wal-Mart pulled the shoes from the shelves.
Could We Elect Our First African American Vegan President?
Spartacus Booker, who has assured us he has a real live girlfriend, is running for president and may very well be our first vegan president. Arguing out of one side of his mouth that he does not want to lecture us on our diet, on the other side he argues that the planet cannot sustain meat eaters. Instead, we should all turn to fake cheese and eggs. In fact, he told VegNews (yes…such a thing exists) that he gave up eggs because they did not “align with my spirit.” Good grief…
Another Use for Meat
Jennifer Brassard, age 48 of Florida, got into a verbal dispute with her boyfriend and was arrested for domestic battery. According to police reports, she flung a frozen pork chop which opened up a 5 inch laceration on his face. This begs the question: If Americans give up meat, how will potential female victims of domestic abuse defend themselves?