It could be tough sledding out there for states vying for the title of the wack-job capital of the U.S. It is a competitive field, what with Maine trying to find a suitable sociopath to replace Graham Platner, Minnesota officials celebrating the independence of Somalia over our own nation while trying to coddle a convicted rapist, and California being…well, California.
READ MORE: Insanity: Steve Hilton Uncovers Why Police Can't Clear LA's Homeless Camps
But amid all these desperate efforts, Florida just keeps on with its brand of psychosis, and the difference is we do not even put in a fraction of the effort of those competitors. For us, it is all part of our inhuman nature, so we just go about our way, delivering the imbalanced behavior by the gross, while shrugging at those struggling to gain notice.
FLORIDA MAN-KEEPING
Women just love to complain that men do not do enough chores around the house, and yet, as Kevin Dale Westerhold finds out, when you do pick up a vacuum cleaner, you STILL get in trouble. Okay, arguably part of Westerhold’s issue was that he was not exactly tending to the floors, and he took “around the house” a bit too literally.
Police were called in when Kevin was using his appliance in a manner not outlined in the instruction manual. He was pleasuring himself with the cleaning device, and doing so outside for the neighbors to witness. He was just convicted of indecent exposure and sentenced to probation.
We would have suggested he be confined to house-cleaning arrest.
Florida man who had sexual encounter with vacuum cleaner near Disney World takes no contest plea https://t.co/vQLXSux56p pic.twitter.com/39OwDUk5P0
— Chris 🇺🇸 (@Chris_1791) July 14, 2026
FLORIDA DMV
An older Florida woman is receiving some attention, and possibly running the risk of a different type of moving violation, with her new license plate, which the state issued to her. Pompano Beach resident Nancy Dello Stritto was dismayed when she opened her new license plate mailed to her residence to find the suggestive lettering she did NOT order reads “SQZ A55,” the state-used font for the numbers making it out to be something ribald on her bumper.
Nancy was going to complain and replace the vulgar insignia, but she has since relented.
“She noted that others, including her sons and their friends, have encouraged her to keep it. She said the current tally is 16-1 in favor of her keeping the plate.
Squeeze what? A Florida woman is the talk of her town with a racy license plate she got in the mail. https://t.co/oXw0c2z0bU
— CBS News (@CBSNews) July 15, 2026
FLORIDA MC-MELEE
Here’s at least a fresh twist on what has become commonplace: violence taking place in a fast-food joint when a customer loses their mind after an order comes back with errors.
Michael Benson was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon at a Sanford McDonald's. The clash took place around midnight when a customer came in from the drive-thru, complaining they had not received their ordered fries and a soda. After confronting the manager about the discrepancy, he began beating on the counter.
That was when Benson told the man, “You can die today,” after removing a knife from his waistband. The police were called and arrested Benson — an employee at that location.
Benson was also in violation of a year-long probation for a different battery charge. That probation was set to expire in a matter of a couple of days.
This is a refreshing twist on the fast-food fist fights that erupt over petty order details. https://t.co/Aeh1xaaaNA
— Brad Slager: CNN+ Lifetime Subscriber (@MartiniShark) July 16, 2026
FLORIDA MICTURATION
Sometimes you look at a person and just want to tell them to give up entirely. It is apparent that James Sheppard, 52, is just not up to the task of keeping ahead of the authorities.
Jimmy was showing up at the county office for his court-appointed urine test over previous drug charges. He was discovered to have driven to the location on a suspended license, in violation of his probation order. Also in violation was the move he pulled in the back of the police cruiser, outfitted with an internal camera.
He was caught on tape removing his Whizzinator, the bladder and artificial phallus he was expecting to employ in order to beat his urine test.
"PEE-BRAIN": A man was arrested after he drove to his court-ordered drug class on a suspended license, according to authorities. While he was in the patrol car, he pulled a Whizzinator, a fake bladder, out of his pants and threw it on the floor. https://t.co/VHXQu0iZDk pic.twitter.com/RCafr4EMME
— WFLA NEWS (@WFLA) July 15, 2026
FLORIDA MANNER (Bedside Variety)
It is fair to say that Joseph Kinney just wants to serve people. The main problem, however, is that he is not permitted to do so in the form he prefers. Kinney is something of a recidivist nurse, it seems.
Back in 2002, he had his license to practice yanked by the state, and this led to his arrest, which is sure to lead to more charges that will see him staying in the Gray Bar Inn for some time, where they do not have turn-down service.
Kinney was arrested, with a bad toupee, while trying to gain employment as a nurse at an Avita Lake facility. When his arrest was shown by a local news affiliate, a police sergeant in another district recognized him as the nurse who tended to one of his relatives in Volusia County. He was already on a five-year probation and forbidden from working in healthcare for posing as a nurse to work in Orange and Seminole Counties.
56-year-old Joseph Kinney was arrested again in Florida for pretending to be a nurse. pic.twitter.com/V2ZUfC8jYT
— 0HOUR1 (@__0HOUR1_) July 15, 2026
FLORIDA MUSTANG
Call this a case of Road-eo Rage. You wonder what led to this bucking nonsense when Antonio Castillo-Ortega dumped beer on a woman and then attempted to run her over — while on horseback, at a rodeo.
After the confrontation, he hopped from the saddle and jumped in a vehicle to let those ponies run, but he was waylaid by an ambulance blocking an exit.
As he was stopped by police, he drove off, then got out and galloped to a forest, and then was spotted getting into another vehicle, but the cops were able to corral that car and roped Antonio properly.
The incident appears to have been driven by a personal dispute involving a woman, leading to several domestic abuse charges after the alleged horseback attack.
A Florida man was arrested after he allegedly threw beer on a woman and attempted to run her over with his horse at a local rodeo, authorities said.https://t.co/g76C0RQmI9
— WOGX FOX 51 (@WOGXFOX51) July 14, 2026
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