Do the Crime, Head for the Exit Line—Attackers Who Savaged 'Big Balls' Coristine Skate With Slap on Wrist

There’s a deep rot in our justice system, which we’ve written about extensively, and it’s a huge factor in what’s led to the decline of many of our once great cities. Simply put, “do the crime, pay the time” is no longer a thing in many blue city criminal sanctuaries; instead, it’s do the crime, get lots of sympathy and a stroll toward the exits.

How many awful stories do we have to see of violent thugs cycling through the revolving doors of our courts and marching out to the subway to commit more heinous acts, only to be given a friendly wave and a kiss on the cheek as they go back on the streets? You can thank woke, George Soros-backed soft-on-crime district attorneys, no bail laws, “criminal justice reform,” and "defund the police" for a lot of this scourge, and they all come courtesy of Democrats.

Think I’m being too harsh? We’re hit yet again Wednesday with another example of the total lack of consequences for the scoundrels in our midst:

Two teenagers who jumped former DOGE staffer Edward “Big Balls” Coristine have avoided jail after pleading guilty to simple assault at a Washington, DC, court.
The boy and girl, both 15, from Hyattsville, Maryland, were sentenced to probation at a DC court on Tuesday, just over two months after the pair were arrested for the savage Aug. 3 attack, WUSA9 reported.
The boy was handed a 12-month probation and allowed to return home under strict house arrest, while the girl was given a nine-month probation and remanded to a local youth shelter.

Minor consequences, at best. But here’s what they did; look at the picture of Coristine after he was left savaged by the pair:

BREAKING - DC Judge Kendra Briggs has allowed the two “teens” who jumped Edward ‘Big Balls’ Coristine to avoid jail and sentenced them to simple probation, stating her job is to “rehabilitate,” not punish. pic.twitter.com/7LRv7fVbQP
— Right Angle News Network (@Rightanglenews) October 15, 2025

We Have an Update on the 'Big Balls' Case and It Is Not Good

The violent pair were part of a group that was terrorizing the streets of D.C. about a mile from the White House. Coristine was unlucky enough to cross their path:

“Let me get your car! Let me get your car,” the group said, according to prosecutors. While the other person was able to get into the vehicle and lock the doors, Coristine remained outside and was pummeled by attackers.

Although there were numerous lawbreakers, the two teens who were just giving their walking papers were the only ones charged.

If you’ve ever wondered where Edward got his nickname, meanwhile, here’s how that came about: he was reportedly given that moniker in high school and then, as a joke, put it in his LinkedIn profile when he entered the professional world. “People on LinkedIn take themselves super seriously, and they’re pretty averse to risk, and I was like, ‘Well, I want to be neither of those things.’ So I just, I set it and honestly, I didn’t think anybody would notice,” he said.

That’s funny, but what happened to him on the streets of the nation’s capital—and the lack of consequences for those who did it to him—is anything but. Thankfully, President Donald Trump and those in his administration are shining a harsh light and taking action on the lawlessness that prevails in too much of our country, but we’ve got a long way to go. A good start would be to start holding some of these crime-loving judges accountable.

Editor’s Note: The Schumer Shutdown is here. Rather than put the American people first, Chuck Schumer and the radical Democrats forced a government shutdown for healthcare for illegals. They own this.

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