Jury duty — very few people want to do it.
But how does one get out? Via Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David once had an idea:
100% not advisable.
On Monday, a potential jurist came up with an excuse surely rarely heard in a court of law.
As a pool was narrowed for the sentencing trial of Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School’s mass shooter, a woman identified as “Miss Bristol” claimed she couldn’t afford the time away from her job.
Miss Bristol doesn’t exactly work a normal nine-to-five. As it turns out — according to her — she’s obligated to a “sugar daddy.”
She has to see her sweet daddy every day.
As noted by Fox News, Miss Bristol was responding to Circuit Judge Elizabeth Scherer’s query as to whether anyone had concerns or needed information.
To Miss Bristol: “Did you have a question?”
The woman began:
“So, I’m reading. This is a whole entire month. First of all, let me clarify myself. July 7th is my birthday, the 4th is my [son’s], the 18th is my other [son’s].”
“Hold on, wait. Don’t talk too fast, please,” Judge Elizabeth instructed. “We have to be able to understand. So you said that…July, [there are] dates in July that you’re not available. What are those dates?”
Miss Bristol pinpointed her problem:
“July 7th, July 4th, which is closed, and July 18th. And again, I need to figure out something: I have my sugar daddy that I see every day.”
“I’m sorry?” the judge replied.
“My sugar daddy.”
She reiterated that she’s bound to daily tending.
Judge Elizabeth’s response:
“Okay. Alright. Ma’am, we’ll come back to you, okay? Thank you.”
Of 160 possible jury box abiders, 120+ were dismissed.
Miss Bristol made it out, no doubt to the delight of Mr. Daddy.
Society is evolving, and amore is following suit:
The Ol’ College Try: Prestigious University Asks Students to Spin the ‘Wheel of Fornication’
The American Psychological Association Creates a Task Force to Promote Polyamorous Relationships
Polyamory Gets Another Push, This Time From Harvard Law
The Future of Family? A Woman in Florida Awaits Her First Baby – With One of Her Four Committed Boyfriends. But Not the Fiancé
Billy Sings the Blues: A Polyamorous Lover Waxes on the Difficulties of Quarantine With His Girlfriend and Her Boyfriend
Mother Sues Polyamorous Lovers Over Son’s Sex Slave Injections to Make His Scrotum the Size of a Basketball
Love comes in all flavors, shapes, and sizes. For one almost-juror in Florida, it’s quite robust, indeed. The lady’s got a job to do, and she’s dedicated to the task. It might take hours, but who says Love Bites? Miss Bristol shirks her civic duty to Pour Some Sugar where it’s needed.
And don’t let the two kids let you fear their family’s fractured. Hopefully, unburdened by the trial, Miss B. will additionally find time to see her husband — which she also has.
Given that fact, can she take care of everyone sufficiently?
The jury’s out.
See more content from me:
Man Passes Gas in an Uber, Ends up Charged With Assault
Florida Woman Farts, Pulls Knife on Man in Dollar General, Cops Say
Christian Church Leads Prayer to the ‘God of Pronouns,’ the ‘Great They/Them’ Who Breastfeeds
Find all my RedState work here.
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