One more story like this, and I’ll have unwittingly completed some kind of bizarre Fart Trilogy (here).

According to a report from Florida’s Broward County Sheriff’s Office, a woman…uhhh…let one loose while standing in line at Dollar General. In response, a man complained.

Big mistake.

37-year-old Shanetta Yvette Wilson didn’t appreciate the fellow customer’s protest of her release, so she (allegedly) pulled out a knife and threatened to “gut” him.

As the affidavit states (courtesy of the Miami Herald), Shanetta claimed she’d disembowel John Walker, as part of a dustup (or cropdust?) “in reference to the defendant farting loudly.”

Shanetta retrieved the small “lock back knife” from her purse, “opened the knife and told the victim she was going to ‘gut’ him.”

As per the report, she cocked back, blade in hand, as if ready to attack. Walker was “in fear that he was going to be stabbed by the defendant.”

The cops were called, and Wilson was found nearby. She was taken to the Paul Rein Detention Facility, her bail set at $2,500.

In an age of trigger warnings, offensively accurate pronouns and microaggressions, people are being taught that words are violence and cannot be tolerated. Of course, sometimes, silence is violence. In this case, John Walker almost got emptied out by a knife for exercising his First Amendment rights. Unfortunately for Shanetta Wilson, there’s no constitutional right to public farting. Unless it’s considered the pursuit of happiness, gained by relieving abdominal pressure. Still, maybe next time, Shanetta: Hold it ’til you get outside.

And for everyone: If you’re a hot-headed and particularly flagrant (or fragrant?) farter, leave your knives at home.

****!!!! Here’s the completion of the trilogy: In August, Florida security guard “Paul Flart” was fired from Florida Regional Medical Center for posting videos on Instagram of himself ripping away at work. As covered by the Herald:

His website reads: “I’m Paul Flart. I make fart videos on Instagram for the joy and happiness of all who see them. My goal is to be the first person to make a living off farting after getting fired from my job in a public manner.”

This is no joke. Because the individual who posts these videos is now really out of job. But he won’t stop passing gas or posting the odorous bodily function for his 52,000 plus followers on Instagram.

…

One slow night, he let gas escape and the acoustics of the lobby made the noise more dramatic. So he took a video.

“It was hysterical,” he said. “I posted the video to my friends on a chat and they wanted me to do more of them.”

His friends heartily approved, so he supplied dozens or more videos over a roughly five month period.
But all good things must come to an end.

According to a YouTube video posted Thursday, Flart was let go. In the clip, you hear an irritated man, ostensibly a supervisor, telling his underling that his services were no longer needed.

Aaaand done. 

See an interview with the former hospital guard below. WARNING: It’s crass.

Relevant RedState links in this article: here.

See 3 more pieces from me: Kevin Bacon dancing, men with vaginas, and women getting naked.

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