Man Passes Gas in an Uber, Ends up Charged With Assault

A police officer in a gas mask attends the scene after a truck crashed into a department store injuring several people in central Stockholm, Sweden, Friday April 7, 2017. (Jessica Gow, TT News Agency via AP)

 

It all started with a fart.

In the UK, a man’s been charged with a violent crime after fighting with his rideshare driver.

As reported by Bristol Live, 35-year-old James Mallet and three others were taking an Uber to a Kingswood nightclub last November.

Unfortunately, excitement wasn’t all that was in the air.

Allegedly, Mallet dropped the hammer that fired a metaphorical missile. The event triggered the driver, Aleksander Bonchev, who reportedly had had enough.

The New York Post relays Bonchev had suffered pummeling abuse from previous passengers, and he just couldn’t take another jab.

James’s heated haymaker — per Merriam-Webster, “a powerful blow” — was the sour straw that broke the camel’s back.

The Post recounts recent proceedings from the Bristol Crown Court:

[The prosecutor] said Bonchev told Mallett “to leave the vehicle,” whereupon the flatulent fare offered to fight the driver and struck him in the head. Bonchev reportedly responded in defense by punching Mallett in the face, knocking him to the ground.

After the altercation, a female companion convinced James to hightail it outta there.

Hence, it was a hit and run — or, nearly, something that rhymes with that.

Police later caught up with the odious offender, who was sporting — according to the prosecuting attorney — a “cut on his bottom lip.”

Additionally, he was “plainly intoxicated.”

And some say his attitude stunk:

[The prosecutor] told the court that Mallett was abusive to police. Nonetheless, [the defense attorney] said his client has been described as a “polite, helpful, well-behaved and courteous” man.

James admitted he blew it — last year, he committed assault occasioning actual harm.

For his intestinally-induced act of avarice, he was sentenced to six months in the can. Additionally, Mallet was hit with a $650 fine and 120 hours of community service.

However, his sentence has been suspended for a year and a half.

Tragically, Aleksander was left unable to work due to a broken finger.

The disabled driver lost his job, his vehicle, and his house.

He’s since returned to Bulgaria.

And sadly, they probably fart there, too.

The sordid tale isn’t the only one of its kind — every now and then, something noxious makes the news:

Florida Woman Farts, Pulls Knife on Man in Dollar General, Cops Say

Man Jailed for Making Restaurant Bomb Threat Claims He Was Referring to His Imminent Bowel Movement

Back to Aleksander’s fractured finger: I hope he didn’t mistake the injury for a jam and try to pull it.

But if so, he should’ve tracked down James — it was the perfect opportunity for revenge.

-ALEX

 

See more pieces from me:

A Man Whose Farts Kill Mosquitoes Claims Companies Are Working to Bottle His Gas as Insect Repellent [Correction: Satire]

Farts Have Been Added to Eric Swalwell’s Impeachment Video, and It’s Just as Hilarious as You’d Hope

Wildlife Park Removes a Gang of Parrots for Cussing Out the Customers

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