Blow-up dolls: Reportedly, they have multiple uses.
One of them, per the word on the street, involves an avoidance of HOV citations.
If you’re unfamiliar with carpool-only High-Occupancy Vehicle lanes, I offer a tale of creation which may or may not be true.
In Los Angeles, there was once a four-lane freeway.
It was colossally constipated.
Those in government got an idea: Within a county spanning 500 square miles — in which hour-long rides to work aren’t uncommon — let’s reserve one lane exclusively for unicorns.
Unicorn: An adult who, knowing no neighbor with the same place of employment or considerably compatible schedule, would prefer to spend even more time trekking to work by splitting one vehicle between multiple commuters with differing destinations. Though a primary reason for working is to make their car payment, they delight in losing the ability to independently drive. Furthermore, they appreciate the incapacity to do anything after clocking out other than endure an extended route before being dropped off late at home.
Once the magical horse has returned to its residence, errands may be pursued — robbing the mythical creature of even more of its evening.
The plan didn’t fill the freshly re-allocated lane with spiked stallions, but it did increase the number of horns — honked amid even worse cloggage in the now-effectively-only-three-lane thoroughfare.
Interstate intestines, enjoy a chunk of cheese.
Now onto smooth moves in the Big Apple:
General Superintendent Giulio Divirgilio’s purportedly paired himself with an inflatable individual for city travel in his Kia Telluride.
The aired-up companion has hunkered in the passenger seat, giving the appearance of a two-person paradigm.
— New York Post (@nypost) December 15, 2021
Giulio was pressed directly about the allegation:
Confronted by The Post outside the East New York building, Divirgilio denied he had the inflatable suit-sporting businessman in tow to illegally cruise in lanes reserved for high-occupancy vehicles.
As it turns out, the guy’s just lonesome:
“I don’t use it for the HOV,” the $122,000-per-year government official insisted. “I use it for the company.”
He posed a pointed question: “Have I ever lied to you?”
As for Giulio’s coworkers, it seems the jury’s out.
One Buses employee asked, “Why would anyone have that there except to do HOV stuff?”
A union official offered, “It’s unbecoming of a manager. We laugh, but what else is he doing in secret that we don’t know about?”
Giulio wouldn’t be alone in an effort to beat the system. A Google search turns up phenomenal photographic evidence.
Additionally, in January of last year, I covered the case of a 62-year-old Tempe, Arizona resident.
The innovative wheelman had employed what looked to be a mummy in order to live the HOV life:
Think you can use the HOV lane with Skeletor riding shotgun? You’re dead wrong! ☠︎ One of our motor troopers cited the 62-year-old male driver for HOV & window tint violations on SR-101 near Apache Blvd this morning. #NiceTry #YoureNotHeMan #AZTroopers pic.twitter.com/wQYY831mNY
— Dept. of Public Safety (@Arizona_DPS) January 23, 2020
From my write-up:
I don’t know why the government would have such a problem with a skeleton in the front seat. The dead can already vote; why not let them drive?
Back to Giulio, he’s former NYPD.
The 10-year+ MTA employee incurred two parking tickets earlier this year, both for lacking a front plate.
Fortunately for Mr. Lonely, he’s not lacking a front friend.
I assume Giulio’s innocent, but what about all those on the road who are using dummies to triumph over traffic?
And if it’s also “for the company,” what’s happening when the combustible couples get home?
Hopefully, none of the dolls end up being punctured.
By something sharp in the seat, that is.
Actually, that doesn’t sound any better.
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