kgB-Movie Star? Vladimir Putin Appoints Steven Seagal as Ambassador to the U.S.

“Last time, he rocked the boat; this time, the sky’s the limit.”

Before there was a Rodman and Jung-un, another celebrity/world ruler partnership was brewing.

Get ready for some big news, all you fans of 90’s action movies: Moscow has chosen its emissary to the U.S. for “humanitarian ties,” and it’s none other than…Steven Segal.

I’m serious.

I know; you still don’t think I’m serious.

But…I’m serious.

On Saturday, the Russian Foreign Ministry said this:

Стивен Сигал назначен специальным представителем МИД России по вопросам российско-американских гуманитарных связей. Задача – содействие дальнейшему

Oh, wait– you probably can’t read that. Here’s a translation I found:

“Steven Seagal has been appointed a special representative of the Russian Foreign Ministry for the Russian-US humanitarian ties. The task is to contribute to further development of the Russian-US relations in the humanitarian area.”

The position is unpaid, but hopefully, Seagal still has fat pockets thanks to Undersiege 2. The first was a big hit, so he presumably made more than, well, even a conservative writer, for the sequel.

Big Steve’ll be saddled with augmenting international relations in the areas of (according to a different translation) “culture, art, public and youth exchanges and more.”

Shouldn’t they have chosen a guy youth have heard of?

I guess it’s not about that. As per the statement:

“It’s about a public-political position without a monetary reward. The very case when folk diplomacy meets diplomacy traditional. In International Practice, there are parallels with the functions of the UN goodwill ambassadors.” (translation via Facebook — blame Mark Zuckerberg).

In 2016, the actor and martial artist was granted Russian citizenship. His passport was given to him personally by Vladimir Putin. Could Steven be part of the cabal Trump and Putin have formed to maniacally rule the world?

When Seagal received his citizenship, Putin said he was glad it would be easier for the Michigan native to “meet [his] friends”:

“You have many friends in this country and you have professional plans as well. Naturally, Russian citizenship and a Russian passport will make it easier for you to meet your friends and carry out your plans.”

Who knew Steven Seagal and Putin were such good friends? But yes — it’s true. In 2014, America’s favorite Navy Seal submarine cook called the Russian pres “one of the greatest world leaders, if not the greatest world leader, alive today.”

Wow.

In 2017, S.S. waxed philosophic about the rightful warm and fuzzies between Russia and the United States:

“I always felt that USA and Russia should be best friends and allies. Despite the unfortunate propaganda going on, I remain fully committed to work tirelessly towards this end and I am tremendously grateful for this opportunity.”

The Putin/Seagal/Trump coterie makes so much sense to me. I’m not sure if Putin can do the splits, but Trump already has the action flick-worthy moves down pat. Check him out in the AWESOME video below. You won’t regret it.

[Also, please check out my coverage — and, more importantly, the video therein — of Rodman’s emotional story of U.S./North Korea relations. The video is powerful.]