Vehicle Shortages? Russian Army Is Now Mounting Starlink Panels on Horses.

A horse, of course. (Credit: Silje Midtgård/Unsplash)

The Russian Army is apparently running short on vehicles. They have been going hammer and tongs with the Ukrainians for some time now, and both sides have lost men and equipment. But the toll on the Russian Army's road-stock may be worse than expected; as evidence, we see that the Russians are now mounting Starlink receivers on horses.

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Yes, really.

Russian forces appear to have begun equipping horse-mounted units with Starlink satellite terminals and cameras, according to new images and videos circulated by multiple OSINT investigators, including Special Kherson Cat on January 8.

The footage shows Russian soldiers riding horses fitted with improvised frames carrying flat-panel satellite terminals and what appear to be camera systems.

While the exact purpose of the equipment has not been officially confirmed, analysts say the setup is consistent with communications or situational-awareness use rather than combat firing platforms.

The images add to a growing body of evidence that Russian frontline units—particularly in contested or infrastructure-poor areas—are increasingly relying on animals as substitutes for destroyed or unavailable military vehicles.

A horse equipped with internet access will certainly stirrup some trouble. It is, after all, an innovation that will surely generate a colt following. 

The Russian forces taking this step are, we have to admit, showing some creativity.

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There may be some method to this madness. Horses have a few advantages over traditional vehicles; they are one of the most able and effective forms of off-road transport, they are harder to detect by technology, especially in wooded areas, and they don't require a massive logistical train to bring fuel forward; all they need is grass and the occasional apple or sugar cube. But the Russians seem to be slow in putting them to use; one wonders why they are stalling. This delay may be because of the difficulty of finding accomplished horsemen in the ranks of the Russian Army; after all, to be, or not to be, that is the equestrian

Seriously, this does make one wonder just how bad a hit Russia's road-stock has taken. As recently as 1945, armies regularly used horses for transport; German and Soviet units were still using horses to pull artillery and wagons, while the might of American industry was drowning the Wehrmacht in trucks, tanks, trucks, jeeps, trucks, command cars, and more trucks. To see a major military force falling back on horses now, well, that probably doesn't bode well for the readiness of the force, whether or not the horses are equipped with internet access.

It could be a real nightmare for President Putin.

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One unanticipated aspect of this comes in the form of a rumor that a Ukrainian couple stole two of these internet-equipped horses and is using them to raise trouble behind the Russian lines. The Russian troops who have encountered them are calling them Bonnie and Clydesdale. These two, it seems, aren't very good neighbors.

Of course, throughout the history of horses, there's only been one who could make full use of this startling innovation.

 

I'll be here all week. 

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