It's hard to believe it's September already. It seems like only moments ago we were ringing in the new year, now we're sliding into autumn. As I've mentioned before, this is a consequence of aging; that summer that was once only your tenth summer, back when summer seemed to last forever, is long gone. Now a summer, a summer that is one among sixty-odd summers, passes in an eyeblink, prompting one to want to go outside and yell at clouds.
This is the time in our lives when we can unlock our inner curmudgeon. It's something I've been working on for a couple of years now.
Merriam-Webster defines "curmudgeon" thusly:
1: a crusty, ill-tempered, and usually old man2: (archaic) miser
But there's a lot more to it than that. A curmudgeon maintains a prickly, irascible individuality. I learned this from my father, who was a self-proclaimed country gentleman but who was solid steel under the skin. He wore what suited him, did what suited him, ate what suited him, read what suited him, and made no apology for any of it. He minded his own business and expected the same of other people. I do the same; at conservative political gatherings, like CPAC, while many of the great younger men are clean-cut, jacket and tie-wearing types, I represent Full Wild Alaska with a ponytail, a beard, an attitude, and a wardrobe by Duluth Trading, often leading my wife to jokingly suggest a game of "Spot the Alaskan."
The true American curmudgeon:
- Charts his own course and is master of his home. It's that way here; I have always maintained that I am the man of the house, the lord of my castle, and what I say goes - as long as it's OK with my wife. Our home is Freedom Central, where guests are welcome to do and say as they please, until they irritate me, at which time they get ejected.
- Pays little or no attention to fads or fashions, except to mock them. The curmudgeon does not court public approval for anything in his or her lifestyle, nor do they rashly try to start trends. The curmudgeon suits him or herself, and those few whose approval does matter.
- Doesn't care what celebrities think about anything. The curmudgeon may enjoy a look (or several) at Sydney Sweeney in blue jeans. He (or she) may point and laugh at other Hollywood types when they make statements above their intellectual capacity, which is often insignificant. The curmudgeon partakes in what culture he cares to, no matter if it's Italian opera or the serialized movie adventures of John Rambo, and doesn't give two hoots what anyone else thinks.
- Questions everything. One of the more valuable pieces of advice I ever received from the Old Man was "Don't believe everything you hear or see on TV. Look it up. Check for yourself." That's especially good advice today, when our legacy media is about as reliable as a 1980 Yugo with a cracked block and a clogged carburetor.
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But curmudgeons are valuable to our society. Why? Because the curmudgeon:
- Doesn't just know about history. He's lived through a bunch of it. He remembers the Apollo landings. He remembers the Watergate imbroglio. He remembers people talking about "President Johnson." And there's a big difference between reading about history and living through it. The curmudgeon is one who makes America great, just by his presence, and thanks to that grounding in history and his experience, he knows it - and will damn sure make it clear to anyone who asks.
- Has a lifetime of experience dealing with other people. Need some relationship advice? Seek out a curmudgeon for a rough and realistic outlook. His advice may be "Suck it up, and stop whining, already." But when it comes to dealing with friends, spouses, and, well, others, he's been there, done that, and has the t-shirt and scars to prove it.
- In fact, the curmudgeon may well give you some advice whether you ask for it or not. When my father was in his 90s and I, in my late 50s, he never hesitated to give me a damn good talking to if he thought I had it coming. Now I do the same, whether it be to my daughters, my sons-in-law, or loyal sidekick Rat. There's an upside: A curmudgeon's advice is advice you would do well to heed.
The curmudgeon is one who head-butts his way through life. He appears prickly, grouchy, and grumpy, and most of the time, that may well be the case. Want to see that mask slip? Hand him a new grandchild, and watch as the prickly, grouchy old man disappears into the smiling, benevolent Grandpa.
Curmudgeons are a vital national resource, and on this day, September 1st, as the year slips into autumn, is the day we should recognize and applaud our curmudgeons.
I therefore propose that this day, September 1st, shall henceforth be dubbed National American Curmudgeon Day, and recognized as such now and into perpetuity. President Trump, are you out there? This seems like something you'd be willing to take a look at, having a few curmudgeonly tendencies yourself.
