Well, the big day - mom's routine follow-up appointment with her medical oncologist - has come and gone. Though the day was undeniably stressful for both of us, she sailed through with flying colors as the doctor told her he was pleased with what he was seeing so far in the numbers that started coming in from the lab work while we were still in the office.
Other numbers, he informed us, would take a day or two to come in, as he ran some additional tests from the usual ones, something he does about once a year or so.
Based on my understanding of the numbers, an understanding that comes from previous bloodwork he's done at prior appointments, the results that came in later in the week this week were also reassuring. We're still waiting to hear back from him on one of them, but I feel pretty confident that it's a good number, considering the result is identical to a previous test he did.
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On Thursday evening, Mom and I were chatting about the visit and the numbers, how grateful we were for all the prayers (thank you!), and how, when you are a cancer patient (or someone caring for one), these follow-up visits have the power to change your whole world one way or the other.
If you get encouraging news, you can spend the next three or four months exhaling a bit until the next visit. You get not-so-great news, and your every waking moment is spent praying for the strength to persevere.
We've been incredibly blessed to get the news we have from all of her follow-up appointments so far, but we're fully aware that may not always be the case. We just try not to think about it too much. The thoughts can consume you too much if you let them. It's easier said than done to try to control it, but I reach for a magazine or book, or start watching the bird feeders, when my thoughts start traveling down that road.
And speaking of that, I've had to do some reassessing over how I handle stress over the last couple of weeks after the nocturnal panic attacks I experienced, which I wrote about here and here.
I'm happy to report that I haven't experienced any in over a week, and the ones I did were much shorter, and I think I handled them pretty well, thanks to tricks I've learned to calm myself down. My doctor was pleased to hear about this during my follow-up visit, where she advised me to just stay in "monitoring" mode to see how I do in the coming weeks.
And speaking of, something many caregivers - and anyone else with a demanding schedule and responsibilities - do is to put more stress on themselves unnecessarily. For example, they get overly critical of how they handled a particular situation. Or they get upset when their day does not go according to plan, blaming themselves for it going off kilter when in reality that's just how some days are, no matter how hard you try.
I've been there many times, and need to do better at just saying no to the frequent bouts of self-criticism. As the old saying goes, we are our own worst enemies; I would estimate that about 50 percent of the stress I experience is self-inflicted. We all need to be better about giving ourselves some grace and telling ourselves (and believing) that we are enough, and that this, too, shall pass.
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I'm also trying to do better at avoiding potential stress triggers that I feel may have contributed to the nocturnal panic attacks. For instance, I'm not following every detail of the Nancy Guthrie case anymore. I'm still interested in what's going on, but my hyperfocus on it initially, and the thoughts of her being snatched out of her bed at night, where she should have been safe, stuck with me every night when I tucked my mom in, and I've had to scale back my interest in the case for the time being.
So, between mom's good doctor visit and the progress I'm making on the stress and anxiety fronts, it seems only fitting that this is all happening just ahead of the official start of spring, where new beginnings and fresh starts happen - and the birdies become more active.
Onward we march, taking things one day at a time, trying not to look too far ahead while enjoying and cherishing the blessings in front of us, all thanks to God's grace.
DIVE DEEPER: To check out my previous Caregiver's Diary entries, please click here. Thank you!
