I’ve always admired smart marketing, even if I don’t intend to buy the product. Two weeks ago, I had no idea what Astronomer was, or what it did, or sold. That, of course, changed because this is 2025. Astronomer’s CEO and its HR director were caught on camera at a Coldplay concert. The “KissCam” focused on them, and when they saw themselves on the Jumbotron screen, they both turned and hid. One could see the horror on both of their faces, but mostly on the face of HR director Kristin Cabot, whose eyes turned into saucers. If one could translate the thought, “I just ruined my life,” into a facial expression, it was that moment. It was painfully obvious why. Astronomer’s CEO Andy Byron was hugging Cabot from behind, but they weren’t married to each other – they were married to other people. Byron’s hands were on Cabot’s, ah, chest area.
Chris Martin, Coldplay's front man and lead singer, watching the couple recoil, said:
“Either they’re having an affair or they’re just very shy.” It was, indeed, the former.
The video was on social media before Cabot and Bryon were back in their respective homes. They both resigned. The company’s board of directors was brought in and (I’m guessing) told both of them that they had a choice to resign or be fired.
Astronomer was left with some wreckage to clean up. So what does the company sell?
Astronomer is actually a pretty big deal in the industry of selling “workflow orchestration.” Its products are used by some pretty big companies to keep data flowing and data clouds, clouding. The company has some very smart people working for it. So, what to do to defect from the disastrous Byron/Cabot story and get back to business? Well, you hire a spokesperson to explain that Astronomer is in the business of data, not dating side pieces. And, you hire the ex-wife of Coldplay’s Chris Martin, Gwyneth Paltrow. Paltrow was mocked years ago for her weirdo explanation for separating from Martin - calling their breakup "Conscious Uncoupling." But to their mutual credit, the couple stayed friends, and their children seem to have turned into very normal adults. Good for all of them.
Nonetheless, Paltrow is a strange woman. Her company, Goop, sells or sold some weirdo products:
In 2008, she launched her weekly lifestyle newsletter Goop, so named because she had been advised brands with double O's perform better, and incorporating her initials.
Gwynnie's sometimes dubious advice and products landed her in hot water, including vaginal steaming and a coffee enema device, both of which have been condemned by medical experts.
Goop plugs a vampire repellant spray which promises to "banish bad vibes" and shield your "aura" from the people who emanate them.
But Astronomer’s marketing team apparently thought that Paltrow was the perfect person to explain what Astronomer actually sells. I think it’s a brilliant defection.
Thank you for your interest in Astronomer. pic.twitter.com/WtxEegbAMY
— Astronomer (@astronomerio) July 25, 2025
Paltrow’s connection to Coldplay/Chris Martin, and the way the ad never mentions the ex-CEO or Cabot is very smart. They’ve separated from the people who lacked judgment.
“This is our business – not that other thing that we won’t mention.”
Very smart.
On the other side of that coin is the former CEO who is prepared to sue (or has already filed suit) against Coldplay. Apparently he thinks that Coldplay ruined his career and marriage and that Coldplay made him a meme. No, Andy, it was your own bad judgment that made you a meme.
Does he have “a case”? In my opinion, not a Coldplay day in hell. Almost all tickets to events that have “Kisscams” have disclaimers on the back. You, as the customer/concert attendee, agree to have your image on the Kisscam. And there is no cause of action for “Kisscam ruined my life.” I’m guessing he’s suing because some attorney convinced him that Martin saying “Either they’re having an affair or they’re just very shy” was actionable. No - in my opinion, it's not. The former is influencing the latter. And truth is the ultimate defense, Andy.
This is the type of case I would have been excited to defend, and I would have told the insurance adjuster to go to trial.
Hiring Paltrow? Brilliant move.
Suing Coldplay because you were having an affair and got caught holding your side piece's breasts? Not so brilliant.
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