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Art is in the eye of the beholder – and in one case —  art is a bunch of porcelain shards on the floor of an art gallery in Miami. Jeff Koons’ nitch is “Dog Balloons” like the balloons that Uncle George makes to entertain the kids at a birthday party, except Koons’ balloons are made of fired clay in pretty colors. And they are art, damn it! Do not touch. A woman made the mistake of fingering the balloon dog, and Koons’ balloon dropped and blew up like a ChiCom spy balloon.

The New York Times reported on the tragedy:

During the art fair’s V.I.P. preview night on Thursday, art collectors and other aficionados were milling around when a woman knocked over the Koons sculpture, causing it to shatter into at least 100 pieces.

“Before I knew it, they were picking up the Jeff Koons pieces in a dustpan with a broom,” said Stephen Gamson, an art collector and artist who said in an interview on Saturday that he saw the sculpture fall.

The shards of the sculpture are now stored in a box, waiting for an insurance company to review them, said Mr. Boero, who had a diplomatic outlook on the incident.

He noted, with a laugh, that the number of these blue balloon dog sculptures had now shrunk to 798, from 799, increasing their rarity and therefore value. “That’s a good thing for the collectors,” he said.

If you’re not a Koons fan you should be. His balloons are everywhere. Some are massive. One is just 10 inches in height. Now, one is a bunch of pieces of shattered clay. When it was in one piece and looked like a child’s party favor and was worth $42,000.

I added up the relative value of Koons balloons. If the average value is $42,000, and there are 798 left, the combined worth is about 32 million dollars. Nice work if you can get it.

Or, you could ask Uncle George to sculpt a wiener dog out of a three-cent balloon. Or you could contact me, and buy my balloon dog. The featured image is called “Art” so it’s art.

If you’re not buying my sales pitch, I have an alternate theory.

Maybe this is a bad idea, offering my theory to Biden acolytes for free. Joe Scarborough and Mika, his blushing bride, might claim they thought of this themselves but remember, I thought of it first.

The “woman” (I think that is pretty presumptuous of the New York Times) disappeared after the event. Beyond that, porcelain was invented in China and is often called, simply, “china.” I think it is possible that our fearless leader, Joe “Ace” Biden, sent a stealthy secret agent on a seek-and-destroy mission, and preemptively blew up that Koons balloon before it left U.S. airspace.

Biden has used half-million dollar Sidewinders AIM-9X missiles to blow up 12-dollar hobby balloons, and those Sidewinders might be needed in Ukraine soon, so the destruction of this china balloon cost only the price of admission. That’s my leader, you a bunch of knuckle-dragging haters. He’s saving money and destroying china balloons before they even launch. Dark Brandon at work. That’s my president. 10 chess moves ahead of you.