Admit it – there are songs you secretly hate.

I’ve always hated  “Lean on Me” by Bill Withers. I associate it with a silly routine from high school football. Before every game, one of our coaches would play that song to “inspire” the team. Sure, “lean on me” sounds like a nice entreat for a Rudy moment, but when you hear it more than twice before a football game it doesn’t inspire anything but nausea. I walked out of the locker room to avoid the brain-numbing repetition. I hated it. I still do.

I’ve always reviled John Lennon’s “Imagine.” Nothing turns my stomach or makes me turn a channel faster, or compels me to walk out of the room like that clammy parade of platitudes. I hated it before I knew what a leftist favorite it was — and it is definitely a leftist theme song.

John Lennon was a multi-millionaire domestic abuser when he wrote of “no possessions” and “living life in peace.” It’s a nonsensical, nihilistic ballad wrapped in Marxism. It’s about as deep as a beauty contestant answering “world peace” as her ambition. Beyond “no property,” Lennon wished for “no religion,” and the world being cobbled together into a one-world order. The Soviet vision of mankind is a “no” from me. It’s a god-awful song, too.

Notwithstanding, my favorite song-to-hate is “The Piña Colada Song.”

A guy is laying in bed next to his girlfriend. He’s tired of his “lady.” Back in that “day,” one apparently sought an affair through newspaper ads. He writes about what he wants. Here are the lyrics, but the highlights are pretty simple.

This dolt wants a woman who fancies a sugary, rum drink popular with tourists who usually order it because well, they’re on vacation. He wants a half-wit who isn’t into yoga. And his final item to check on the resume – she must want to have sex on a sandy dune, at midnight. Maybe if you’re loaded on a half-dozen piña coladas, it would be a “once on vacation” thing. But this dude apparently wants that as his ‘go-to.’

He desires to leave his present “lady,” and he places the ad for a new hookup. A woman answers. She agrees to meet. She replies that she loves sugary vacation drinks and champagne. She doesn’t want him if he’s into healthy food, however.  He meets his “new love” at “O’Malley’s,” but it’s his “old lady.”  She admits that she “never knew” these things about him – thus confirming she’s a half-wit.

The song was recorded in 1979. I think this passion play played out after about six months, then they went back to the “same old dull routine.” They “made love” on a sandy beach, and got bored with it. They got caught in the rain too many times, and drank way too much. They married after a piña coladas- drenched night, and divorced after a year.

Neither had much success, with both ending up on hard times. He’s living on Social Security, in a trailer, down by the river. And the lady? Well, partly because she wasn’t into healthy food, she’s about 100 lbs. overweight and diabetic. She still works – as an IHOP waitress off Interstate 10. But, she’s still into sugary drinks and cats.