Thanks, Trump! America's Bacon Supply at a 50 Year Low

Warning: The following post contains sarcasm and is intended for an immature audience. Reader discretion is advised. 

While President Trump is wasting time picking Supreme Court Justices and railing against biased journalists, the country’s strategic bacon reserves are dwindling.

Say what you will about the rest of his record, but this kind of thing never happened while Barack Obama was president. Well, actually it did, since these numbers are for 2016…but Trump still needs to answer for it! He’s in charge now—no blaming his predecessor for what he inherited.

The country’s bacon reserves are at the lowest levels in half a century.

In other words, pig farmers can’t keep up with the world’s sizzling appetite for those fatty, smoky strips of sheer eating pleasure.

The Ohio Pork Council, a Columbus-based non-profit, reported Tuesday that demand for frozen pork belly, frequently made into bacon, is outpacing supply.

“Today’s pig farmers are setting historic records by producing more pigs than ever,” said Rich Deaton, president of the organization. “Yet our reserves are still depleting.”

There are literally not enough little piggies going to market.

If ever there was a reason for Sean Spicer to call an emergency press conference.

Without bacon, unfunny people will have nothing to use when making unoriginal jokes about how to deal with terrorists. That’s probably what the government wants, come to think of it.

“While bacon may become more expensive for consumers, rest assured pork industry will not run out of supply,” said Deaton.

Don’t give me that. I’ve read 1984.

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