Actress and pop singer Sabrina Carpenter has released a video for her song “Feather.” The title is apt, as the tune is featherweight rancid marshmallow fluff hitting the trifecta of unsingable, undanceable, and unlistenable. That said, when compared to the video, “Feather” is the 21st century’s “Stairway to Heaven” and “Yesterday” rolled into one.

The video starts with some set scenes inside an ornate, traditional Catholic church. This is important, as it indicates we are about to see something edgy. After all, nothing pushes the envelope like any slam against Christianity. One wonders why no one ever films a music video inside a mosque to indicate their edginess, but some questions answer themselves.

Next, we cut outside the church, where a hot pink hearse rolls up to the curb. Out steps Ms. Carpenter, warbling away. At least the impression of singing presents itself, as Carpenter’s voice is so processed and autotuned it makes Velveeta seem organic.

Carpenter proceeds to stroll down the sidewalk. She walks past two young men, one of whom is reading a book titled “Tampons Should Be Free.” Both men immediately start following Carpenter, leering all the way. Carpenter struts along, as in her ears the phones are tight and the lipsync’s playing loud. She is precariously balancing atop a pair of heels sufficiently exaggerated to guarantee severe joint and ligament damage should she trip. But fear not; she misses neither a step nor a drum machine-programmed beat as the two men are joined by more and more. Alas, their enraptured gaze Carpenter’s way is so demanding that they neglect to look both ways before crossing the street, at which point they meet an untimely end en masse courtesy of a speeding box truck.

We now move to a gym, where we see Carpenter working out. Amazingly, she is the only woman present, surrounded by leering barbell boys getting worked up. Said testosterone-laden tough guys decide to fight one another in an effort to win the young maiden’s hand. Unfortunately, all they succeed in doing is killing each other. Literally killing each other, in the process of doing so, splattering Carpenter with blood.

The scene shifts to an elevator. A man in a business suit is inside. Carpenter joins him. He looks her over, pulls out his phone, and takes a photo of her derrière. Carpenter responds by grabbing his tie and catching it in the elevator doors as she leaves. This action leads to the sight of blood dripping from the door’s top as the elevator proceeds upward. Talk about losing your head over a girl.

Finally, we return to the church, where Carpenter is donning a black chiffon dress, hiding not much of anything as she dances about at a group funeral scene for all the young dudes who will now stay forever young, apparently as just punishment for ogling Carpenter. Edgy, remember?

If you insist on ruining your day, here’s the video.

The problem with “Feather” isn’t that the video is offensive. It’s not sufficiently intelligent to be offensive. Nor is the video’s primary flaw excessive gore. Remember, in September 2023, I attended and thoroughly enjoyed a Rob Zombie / Alice Cooper concert. Fake blood does not faze me. No, the video’s issue is its cheap moronic pandering to a cartoonish vision of feminine empowerment.

“Feather” is a desperately unfunny joke that fails on all fronts. It lacks the wit necessary for satire. Its usage and glorification of fake blood and violence at a time when the world is reeling from real bloodshed at an Israeli music festival is, at best, ill-timed. It is neither cool nor hip. The only buttons it pushes are those initiating respectability’s self-destruction. Nevertheless, it has garnered over 4.3M views during its first five days on YouTube.

Videos such as this are why we, who are conservatives, need to be aware of what’s going on in pop culture. We should be prepared with knowledge so we can inform our children and grandchildren why this is garbage on multiple levels. The late great Andrew Breitbart nailed it. Politics is downstream from culture. Stay aware.