Here at the sports desk located somewhere below decks of the Good Pirate Ship RedState, we’ve been keeping tabs on all the various goings-on across the land. NBA and NHL playoffs are rolling along, MLB is settling into a groove, and since it’s May, what better time to talk about … uh, the NFL.

For reasons unbeknownst to all, the NFL schedule release has become an annually hyped event. This transpires despite the list of who plays who and where being announced the same day as the regular season’s end. The only thing accomplished on schedule release day is when the aforementioned who and where will occur. But hey, we’ll play along.

On Thursday, September 8th, the season kicks off when the Buffalo Bills migrate west to take on the defending Super Bowl champion Los Angeles Rams at SoFi Stadium. Given how the Bills are presently the chic AFC champion pick, this game will be of definite interest, despite the deep disappointment Buffalo must be currently having. The Bills fervently hoped the schedule would provide an excuse to leave upper New York for Southern California in, say, late December or early January. The first week concludes with a Monday night matchup of the Denver Broncos at Seattle Seahawks. Gee, think Russell Wilson will be focused?

Week Two’s highlight is the Thursday night matchup with the Los Angeles Squatters … er, Chargers visiting the Kansas City Chiefs. Get ready for LOTS of Justin Herbert versus Patrick Mahomes talk, courtesy of Jake from State Farm if no one else.

Week Three has many divisional games, leading off with the Pittsburgh Steelers (and whoever winds up being their quarterback this season) visiting the Cleveland Browns, where Baker Mayfield probably won’t be the quarterback.

Week Four features a renewal of the legendary Washington Commanders-Dallas Cowboys rivalry. This week’s slate includes the Seahawks versus the Lions, the Jaguars versus the Eagles, and the Cardinals versus the Packers. The site betting action between Sylvester and Tweety Bird will be lit.

Week Five has some intriguing matchups, with the Cowboys visiting the Rams and the Cincinnati Bengals traveling to Baltimore to take on the Ravens.

Week Six isn’t quite as interesting. Can’t win ’em all.

Week Seven, let’s see here … Kansas City comes out west to play the San Francisco 49ers. Should be a lot of people wearing red in the stands.

Week Eight has Baltimore traveling to Tampa Bay for a duel with Tom Brady and the Buccaneers, the 49ers traveling down I-5 to play the Rams, and the Bengals visiting the Browns on Halloween night. Get ready for lots of trick-or-treat jokes.

Week Nine showcases a rematch of last year’s Rams — Buccaneers playoff tilt.

Week Ten has the Dallas Cowboys visiting the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field to take on Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers. Except it’ll be in the middle of November, so the tundra shouldn’t be all that frozen.

Week Eleven has some division matchups of note (Raiders at Broncos, Chiefs at Chargers, Bengals at Steelers).

Week Twelve commences with a Thanksgiving triple-header. The following Sunday’s slate features the Rams visiting the Chiefs.

Week Thirteen. Buffalo at New England. Kansas City at Cincinnati. Should be good.

Week Fourteen? Las Vegas Raiders at the Rams. Oh, that won’t be crazy in the stands or anything. Probably less crazy in the stands, but more interesting on the field, will be the Buccaneers at the 49ers.

Week Fifteen has a Monday night bout between the Rams and Packers in Green Bay, with both teams petitioning to move the game to Los Angeles.

Week Sixteen gets creative with the scheduling, given that Christmas falls on a Sunday this year. Thus, 11 games will be on Christmas Eve, providing a perfect excuse for last-minute shoppers to wait past the last minute. Christmas Day imitates Thanksgiving, in that there will be a triple-header starting with the Packers, much to their relief, at the Dolphins, followed by the Broncos, much to their relief, at the Rams, and finishing with the Buccaneers, much to their indifference weather-wise, at the Cardinals.

All will not be quiet on New Year’s Day for Week Seventeen, especially in Las Vegas with the 49ers facing off against the Raiders. Our sympathies in advance to Allegiant Stadium security personnel.

Week Eighteen will bring the regular season to a nostalgic close, as all the games will be on a Sunday. Let’s party like it’s 1969.

We now resume our regular, springtime sports watching.