In a world rapidly spinning off its axis, it is refreshing to know that despite onerous governmental overreach we still have among us business entities leading the way toward tomorrow with innovative products filling needs long crying out for resolution. In this spirit of 21st-century fighting spirit and hardy endurance in the face of all presently being thrown at us, Anheuser-Busch has recently released a new beverage filling the previously unapproachable gap threatening to rend apart society’s very fabric.
Namely, why isn’t there a beer suitable for my dog?
Technically, Dog Brew by Busch isn’t a beer. It is a non-alcoholic, non-carbonated pork bone broth with additional ingredients making it a legitimate liquid diet supplement for man’s best friend. Thus, beyond the endless gag gift possibilities, Dog Brew isn’t a bad idea at all. It’s the fact that it’s coming from a brewery that leads to, shall we say, questions. Other than the one everyone at Purina is presently asking, namely, “Why didn’t we think of this?”
Given that both alcohol and hops are toxic to dogs, an actual Falstaff for Fido remains impossible. Besides, who wants to deal with a drunk Golden Retriever howling “I’ll Take You Home Again Kathleen” at the end of a party? Drunk people are more than enough to handle, and if the dog is drunk as well who’s going to be the designated driver?
Naturally, cats demand superior … er, equal treatment to dogs. Given how Miller High Life proclaims itself the Champagne of Beers, it is reasonable to expect the fine folk at Molson Coors will not let Anheuser-Busch’s foray into pet drinks go unchallenged. A tuna broth variant packaged in an actual champagne bottle so as to soothe Fluffy’s offended feelings suggests itself.
Since the consumption of alcoholic beverages outdoors is strictly regulated, one can imagine this extending to Dog Brew being frowned upon at dog parks. This provides a glorious opportunity for enterprising entrepreneurs to come up with the perfect counterpart for the cat café. Enter the doggie dive! Dog Brew on tap for your faithful companion, and while he or she is lapping it up in-between taking laps around the place playing with the other dogs in attendance, have assorted People Brew types on tap for you to share with (or try to get to know better) your fellow dog owners. “Hey, look, our dogs sure like playing together. How about we pick up where they leave off?”
So yes, gentle readers, we aboard the Good Pirate Ship RedState remain committed to, in addition to providing news and expert analysis of current events, informing you regarding the broad spectrum of the human experience. You can now sort-of share a beer with your dog. Which, given the current state of human affairs, might be the safest way to spend an evening. Better than turning on the news and being lied to by the media and the government; please pardon the redundancy. Instead, share a sort-of brewski with your pup. He or she has earned it. And so have you.