Road Tripping Across America: Hilarity With Hillary

“For the next 18 months, Hillary Clinton is going to be the Jim Henson of the political press. Her hand will be all the way up their collective rectum moving their lips to sing ‘It’s Not Easy Being Queen’.
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I was wrong. I was convinced Hillary Clinton would not run for President. I assumed she’d be, in essence, the bullet proof vest of the Democratic Party. She’d take the hits, then step out of the way for the actual nominee. I suspect though, now that she is in, she will be the Democrats’ nominee despite very high numbers showing Democratic voters want someone to challenge her. I hope Martin O’Malley avoids Fort Mercy Park.

Hillary Clinton has nothing of note in her accomplishments. Her reset button to Russia worked against us. Her reset button on her email server worked against her. She is scandal prone. She is not very relatable. She charges hundreds of thousands for speeches, flies around on private jets, and lives off Saudi oil money.

Her campaign has signaled they are aware of these weaknesses. They announced the campaign with a well orchestrated commercial. She will now go on tour trying to minimize her contacts with the press by going into highly controlled settings. Her campaign has already signaled she wants to control which reporters can get close to her.

The party that nominated Sarah Palin for Vice President is going to be called sexist repeatedly because that’s about all the Clinton campaign has with no accomplishments to show.

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Hillary Clinton is yesterday’s news. She used her position as First Lady to campaign for the Senate and then failed once at the White House getting the consolation prize of Secretary of State. Having attacked Barack Obama as being unready to answer a 3am phone call, Hillary Clinton not only couldn’t answer the phone herself, but couldn’t even keep her emails straight. She hasn’t even driven a car since 1996, which is even funnier because she’s taking a road trip to Iowa with the press leaving the impression that she’s the one driving the van. The Politico headline, for example, states “Hillary Clinton to drive to Iowa.” No, she will be driven to Iowa by someone.

Conservatives, myself included, will be inclined to make lots of jokes about the old lady. But the real joke is this: her supporters cannot name a real accomplishment that she can take as her own. And on that basis they’ll try to build a campaign that must take credit for her boss’s work while seeking, at the same time, to distance herself from him.

About the only thing honest in this campaign for the next 18 months would be the opening press release that stated Hillary Clinton had “fought children and families all her career”. Yes, a typo, but accurate.

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But hey, at least she’ll have the Circle of Jerks that is the DC-NYC press corps to salivate over her and tell us how awesome she is. For the next 18 months, Hillary Clinton is going to be the Jim Henson of the political press. Her hand will be all the way up their collective rectum moving their lips to sing “It’s Not Easy Being Queen”. They’ll do as they’re told.

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