On Friday, I wrote an article defending my former colleague, Allie Beth Stuckey, who had recently come under fire for comments she made during a Turning Point USA event. She noted that porn weakens men, and as I explained in my article, she's absolutely correct.
Porn is, in my opinion, one of the greatest pitfalls for men in this day and age, and it's unhealthy to a degree I don't think many people understand.
Shockingly, the more I talk about it, the more I learn that people don't want to understand, including many people who call themselves conservative.
Read: Allie Beth Stuckey Is Right About Men and Porn
The thing is, I actually sympathize to a degree. Pornography is a heavy draw in today's world, and not just because it's so easy to access. A myriad of factors practically drive men to seek it out.
For starters, we live in a hyper-sexualized world. On Thursday, Sydney Sweeney took to a red carpet in a see-through dress that didn't just leave little to the imagination, it encouraged you not to use it. Just zoom in on your phone and you'll get a great look at her... genes. Sweeney's look was bound to inspire more than a few men into arousal, which likely drove many to seek out "relief" on porn websites.
Sweeney is hardly the most egregious example of exposure. Instagram is practically OnlyFans Lite, with women exposing and posing in ways that technically qualify as porn. In fact, many women on the internet are trying to find new ways to push the envelope to further refine the edge between porn and not porn for engagement. Instagram practically shoves this in the faces of men if they don't actively block it, creating an environment where just accessing Instagram could push you into seeking out pornography.
Then, of course, there's the very real male loneliness epidemic, which is, itself, spurred on by many different factors. The chief two are the fact that our digital age doesn't exactly encourage in-person interaction and physical presence, which is something men benefit from directly due to our brains being action-oriented, and the fact that Western culture is filthy with "modernized" women who aren't worth the trouble and are best avoided.
If men aren't getting out there, they aren't meeting women. The women they do meet are often seen through the lens of social media, where people can construct a version of themselves that isn't exactly honest. I'm happily married now, but when I was dating years ago, I would often have interactions with women who revealed themselves to be miserable people after presenting themselves as laid back, fun, kind, and caring.
If I'm reading the field correctly today, that problem has only gotten worse, which is why so many young men are checking out of the dating scene and choosing, instead, to satisfy their urges with pornography or AI companionship.
And I think this sits at the center of porn addiction in the modern age.
Men often get a hard time for being easily caoxed into arousal because we're visual creatures, but our desire for sex isn't the enemy. It's hardwired into us and is absolutely necessary for the propagation of our species. It also fulfills an emotional desire for women who want to feel wanted by their man. The idea that men's sex drives are somehow "toxic" and "dangerous" is a feminist lie meant to divide the sexes and make women feel unsafe and men feel guilty and compliant.
The sex drive of men isn't the enemy here. It's God-given. The enemy is fear.
Fear that we're going to be rejected. Fear that we're going to be minimized and emasculated. Fear that we're going to fall for a lie in woman form. Fear that we're just one argument away from being accused of something heinous that destroys our lives forever.
These are legitimate things to be worried about, and porn makes it all too easy not to have to endure any of it. Porn isn't the disease; it's more like an anesthetic that stops us from feeling pains that the modern world thrusts on us. Even married men are subject to that fear as they, too, can be rejected by their own wives, or feel that the spark has left and seek that satisfaction elsewhere.
The thing is, porn is like a drug in that it makes you feel good at first, but over time, it becomes more and more harmful. It can literally reprogram your brain in ways that cause you to isolate yourself in addiction and cease pursuing real relationships and real sex. This isolation and lack of substantial relationships can, and often do, result in depression.
It's no accident that so many men commit suicide in our day and age, and while I wouldn't put it all directly on porn, I'm willing to bet big that porn is a contributing factor.
The only way I see men, especially young men, getting over this fear is not to pursue women with the speed modern society seems to believe we should have. There's an odd desperation that seems to come from both parties for different reasons, but when it comes to dating, men should take their time. They should get to know their prospects first and not dive into a relationship immediately because it feels good.
With the pressure off themselves to be in a relationship, I think a lot of men could narrow down the woman they believe is the right fit for them, and the pursuit can begin. The risk of rejection will always be present, but that's life, and rejection isn't guaranteed. A good woman is worth the risk.
Men should probably also begin narrowing down where they try to find women. Dating apps are an easy pool to draw from, but again, it's very easy to lie on these apps, and first dates are often breeding grounds for even more lies. Men should be more interested in searching for groups where their interests and values align, be it a church or a convention. If anything, it's a good way to become part of a community that could, eventually, lead you to the woman you take an interest in.
The bottom line here is that men wanting sex isn't a bad thing. It's a base driver through which we develop families, propagate the species, and build civilizations. However, men should harness that drive to improve themselves and seek real connections instead of letting it control them and cause self-isolation. There are a lot of lonely women out there who actually deserve a chance, yet they are staying lonely because good men are too afraid to wind up with a bad deal.
