So Sunday evening, they staged the…I dunno, 80th Academy Awards or something. (Okay, I actually checked, and it was the 98th awards. I was going for effect to display my apathy. In other words — acting!) It was the usual fulsome affair, where our societal betters (just ask them) engage in a lengthy panegyric bacchanalia. And it amounts to nothing.
In years past, I followed this more ardently, but frankly, Hollywood has reduced itself to a growing cloistered sect. They are becoming an even more exclusive private club, all while far fewer people are trying to become a member. Just look over the list of films feted this year, and it will inspire a trophy-winning performance for Best Shrug.
Somehow, in recently expanding the Best Picture category to 10 films, they delivered a list that defies recognition, failing to move popcorn by the gross. Have any interest in the telling of an Idaho logger and his family in the early 1900s (Train Dreams)? How about a Brazilian potboiler set in the 1970s that is in Portuguese and clocks in at two hours and 40 minutes (The Secret Agent)? Then there is Bugonia, the gripping tale of two conspiracy-obsessed men who kidnap a CEO of a major company, convinced that she is an alien intent on destroying planet Earth.
Yeah…this was not exactly Rocky duking it out with Taxi Driver, Network, and All The President’s Men.
Yet, even with this interest-defying slate of films, they put on a show that managed to be even less watchable, where you could sense the TV remotes being nabbed by the minute. Even when selecting the rather banal Conan O’Brien as the emcee, he quickly took his opening monologue from bland to bellicose. Before the show, he stated he would steer clear of joking about the president, but this was shown to be an in-name-only pledge.
Not long into his set, O’Brien said, “I should warn you, tonight could get political. And if that makes you uncomfortable, there’s an alternate Oscars hosted by Kid Rock at the Dave & Busters down the street.” Things only sped away from Mirthville at that point, pulling into Vacuous Valley in no time.
"It's the first time since 2012," Conan continued, "that there are no British actors nominated for best actor or best actress. A British spokesperson said, 'Yeah, but at least we arrest our pedophiles.'" The crowd ate that up, clearly oblivious to the lengthy scandals in Britain of doing little to address the rampant rape rings. Hollywood daring to lecture anyone else on sexual propriety is quite the bitter capsule to consume.
All night, there was no shortage of posturing on geopolitical matters, and the funniest was that the biggest applause was for the densest commentary. Javier Bardem was presenting, and he could not refrain from hectoring from on high. “No to war, and free Palestine,” he pronounced, inspiring a lengthy round of applause from the crowd, clearly oblivious to Palestine sparking the war with Israel.
He was also praised for the display on his clothing, a literal manifestation of virtue signaling.
Javier Bardem is wearing a patch protesting the war in Iran—“No a la Geurra,” it reads—that he said is the same patch he wore in 2003 to protest “the illegal war of Iraq.”
— VANITY FAIR (@VanityFair) March 16, 2026
“And here we are, 23 years after,” he said on the #Oscars red carpet, with another war “[led] by Trump and… pic.twitter.com/prEqEY9Qu7
So let me understand: He wore the same anti-war patch from 23 years ago, and we are still engaged in wars??? I am going to tapdance well out on a limb here by suggesting that, maybe, this lapel totem is not so effective, given its failure to prevent wars.
Another theme of the night was censorship, which is a rather insipid topic delivered by media elitists. Tough to take the severity of limited expression seriously when they are pontificating from gilded soapboxes, delivering their neutered lectures to a global audience of hundreds of millions. Hilariously, they undercut their own reprimand when, in an effort to keep the runtime lower, one winner was giving an acceptance speech, and the production silenced him. While talking, his microphone descended into the lectern. (Trivia: The show still ran over the 3-hour runtime limit.)
"I know we're tight, but to retract a microphone on a man while he's speaking... is hilarious"—Conan O'Brien at the Oscars pic.twitter.com/mmiTPE1RFZ
— LateNighter (@latenightercom) March 16, 2026
Joining in on the finger-waggling was the ever-bitter, perpetually incorrect, and rarely amusing comedian Jimmy Kimmel. He began his presentation for Best Documentary by commenting on countries that silence their citizens – and listed off North Korea and the CBS Network. (Insert giggle → Here.) Next, the man who claims President Trump is obsessed with him, used this event as yet another medium to belly-ache about the man. Kimmel said the president is upset his wife’s movie was not nominated in the category, his lack of wit caused by the lack of accuracy; Kimmel was clearly oblivious that Melania was not at all eligible, given it was released this January.
All of this posturing falls even flatter than the ratings because the entire haranguing production was undone by their own celebration. As the Hollywood Reporter obliviously announced how the “2026 Oscars Get Political: Winners and Presenters Slam Gun Violence,” the gathered Academy members promptly violated their own sermon, as they went on to celebrate the film One Battle After Another, a film rife with gun violence.
Winning director Paul Thomas Anderson, during his acceptance speech, said that he made this violent hyper-resistance polemic of a film for his children.
Paul Thomas Anderson's acceptance speech for his first-ever Oscar.
— DiscussingFilm (@DiscussingFilm) March 16, 2026
"I wrote this movie for my kids, to say sorry for the housekeeping mess that we left in this world we're handing off to them. But also for encouragement…” pic.twitter.com/zDXzeL7lFq
Here’s hoping his kids are grown up by this point. Otherwise, it is only slightly disturbing that he dedicates a movie to young ones where Sean Penn is literally shot in the face.
This is the level of clearly oblivious peacocking on display all night. The people who cannot pay attention to their own lectures are facing an audience that pays attention to their films at a diminishing rate. The good thing is that, given the rate at which AI is sweeping across this industry, these Oscar events will become more diminished in short order.
Editor's Note: For decades, former presidents have been all talk and no action. Now, Donald Trump is eliminating the threat from Iran once and for all.
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