As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From the Headlines, we once again note the sub-exalted performances from our journalism industry in numerous categories to properly recognize the low-water mark in the press.

Distinguished Public Service

• Andrea Mitchell - MSNBC

The cable news channel has been a particular hive of distemper when it comes to the Isreali-Hamas war. We have covered the imbalanced coverage as well as the ratings hit the network has endured as a result of the heavy pro-terrorism stance. One of the more remarkably dense displays was this from Andrea Mitchell, seen during an interview with one Israeli citizen in the days following the attack. Mitchell tried to get this woman to voice some kind of sympathy for Palestinians while she has two children who have been kidnapped by Hamas and taken to Gaza.

Incredibly, Andrea Mitchell asks Israeli mother, whose two children were abducted by Hamas Terrorists, how she feels about Israel retaliation in Gaza.

Part I pic.twitter.com/pU8xq38z3m

— Stop Uyghur Genocide (@FJnyc) October 9, 2023

Distinguished Breaking News

• NBC News

For many people, the idea of the House of Representatives going without a Speaker could indicate that the gears of government are grinding to a halt. In other words – good news. There is a large contingent, however, that looks at the government glowingly and views any type of interruption as dire and dangerous. In other words – the press.

As a sign of how devoted to their statist leaders they are, NBC News looks at the empty podium in the House and wants to shade that absence as a sign of Republican failings, so the outlet has posted a timer to compile just how long the House will have gone without leadership. (That there is Patrick McHenry serving as Speaker pro tem seems lost on the network.)

.@NBCNews is tracking the hours, minutes and seconds that the House of Representatives has been without a speaker.

Follow along here: https://t.co/QeLS5sQANQ

— NBC News (@NBCNews) October 14, 2023

Distinguished Feature Writing

• Maham Javaid - Washington Post

Hold on, there are people out in society enjoying something??? Something must be done to micturate on their happy times!

No worries, the Washington Post is here to address this properly. This time of year, the marketplace is awash with products involving the Autumnal addition of pumpkin spice; there is even deodorant, garbage bags, and dog treats. People love this stuff, so at WaPo, they just needed to come forward and declare how their enjoyment of this flavoring is actually hateful. 

See, a while back colonizers landed in a region and oppressed the locals in order to corner the the global nutmeg market, leading to what Javaid declared to be “corporate genocide.” Sorry, but the guilt fails to materialize when a craze that really only began 20 years ago is supposedly poisoned by actions that transpired 600 years in the past.

Go have a pumpkin ale, and calm yourself down.

Fall’s favorite spice blend has a violent history https://t.co/Y27O0cPVfG

— Post Food (@WaPoFood) October 9, 2023

Distinguished Sports Reporting

• Julie Denesha - KCUR St. Louis Public Radio

In a more upbeat dose of seasonal reporting, a Missouri man has set a new Guinness World Record. Steve Kueny of Kansas City has landed in the record books with his 1,200-pound pumpkin, which he grew from a seed. The size of the pumpkin is not what earned him the global accolades, however. No, Steve hollowed out his mammoth gourd, and he proceeded to climb inside and paddle his pumpkin down the Missouri River. After nearly a 12-hour excursion, he traveled about 38.4 miles downstream, beating the previous pumpkin kayak record by almost half a mile, also set on the Missouri River last year.

Missouri man and a 1,200-pound gourd set new world record for longest journey by pumpkin boat https://t.co/dLaK5Yb7Jk via @kcur

— St. Louis Public Radio (@stlpublicradio) October 16, 2023

Distinguished Cultural Commentary

• Georgina Noack - New York Post

You just have to enjoy the tendency of those (usually millennials) who try to declare that something long-recognized and pedestrian a discovery of sorts. A while back, we noted when it was announced that a new task management system was developed to help organize your life. It was the use of a daily calendar. This summer, CNN came out with a revolutionary idea to have cargo ships use giant kites to save on fuel and minimize greenhouse emissions. The network invented sailboats.

Now comes a new life hack, where it is suggested that people go outside and forego technology as they perambulate their neighborhood and behave like engaged human beings. In other words, they claim to have discovered walking.

‘Silent Walking’ trend has Gen Zers leaving iPhones at home to go for walks https://t.co/i0nQ5mtgLG pic.twitter.com/uKweXZSto7

— New York Post (@nypost) October 15, 2023

Distinguished Local Reporting

• Martha Williams - Daily Mail

Recently, the federal government conducted a test of the emergency alert system that sent out a signal blast to all cell phone users. There was consternation in some circles, and conspiracy theories abounded, but for a trio of men, the alerts inadvertently exposed them, and they were duly punished.

Unfortunately for three members of the Amish community, the alert also involved a powerful alarm sound that outed them for having modern devices — which go against their beliefs. As a result, the men, who were forbidden from owning cell phones, ended up being shunned by their Amish community for the violation.

Amish men shunned following emergency alert test that outed them for having cell phones https://t.co/RtM8eKm5FL pic.twitter.com/ZxbIBft8cF

— Daily Mail US (@DailyMail) October 7, 2023