Jim Cramer Is Going to Destroy Us All

Jason DeCrow

Things have been rocky on the economic front since Silicon Valley Bank collapsed on Friday. Known for its focus on ESG and DEI, the demise of SVB marked the second-largest bank collapse in US history. That has faith in the banking system at levels not seen since 2008. It also has the government bailing out millionaires and billionaires again.


Isn’t Joe Biden doing such a great job?

But I digress, there’s another man who has found himself at the center of discussions in the midst of all the chaos. That would be Jim Cramer of CNBC. The “Mad Money” host has a long track record of giving terrible financial advice, but truly, he’s outdone himself recently.

For example, Cramer told his viewers to buy SVB stock back in February when it was at $320 a share, near the top of its historic value. Less than a month later, it was seized by regulators and bailed out by taxpayers.

But hey, maybe once is a coincidence, right? Everyone has a bad day, I suppose. Cramer’s reign of terror didn’t end there, though. People began to dig through his past comments, and in 2022, he recommended Signature Bank.

Now, it’s shutting down.


Alright, maybe twice is just bad luck, but there’s more. Cramer is going for some kind of record, and in the middle of SVB’s downfall on Friday, he decided to endorse First Republic Bank (FRC). “Very good bank,” Cramer proclaimed on social media.

By the time the market opened up on Monday, FRC was in a total freefall.

So what’s next? Apparently, Cramer is setting his sights on taking down the entire banking system. On Monday, despite all of his terrible predictions, he decided to proclaim that the “big banks” didn’t invest poorly and that the banking system will be “stronger today.”

We are so screwed.

Things are so bad right now that a new “inverse” EFT has been created that allows investors to do the opposite of what Cramer says. I might have to get on that train if his track record is any indication.


For the love of God, I am personally begging Jim Cramer to stop giving financial advice. He’s got the reverse Midas touch, and I’d prefer the economy not collapse in on itself. I’ve got kids and dreams, after all. If CNBC has any care for humanity, they’ll remove him from the air and lock him in a padded room.


Editor’s Note: An earlier version of this story incorrectly referred to FRC as “First Republican Bank.” We apologize to our readers for this error.


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