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Donald Trump's List of Debate Demands (At Least It Should Be)

AP Photo/Patrick Semansky

So, the Democrats have finally figured out that they cannot hide Joe Biden in his basement this time. He is going to have to debate Donald Trump ahead of the 2024 presidential election. In a 14-second video that Joe could not get through without being heavily edited, he answered Trump's debate challenge. 

But then we saw Biden's list of debate "demands." The debate all of these requirements will produce is hardly a debate, but that is the idea for Democrats and the media — to protect Joe at all costs. Biden's list of demands includes no audience and no third-party candidates — which immediately confirms Biden is terrified of Robert Kennedy Jr. Only a certain number of news outlets can host a debate — translation, only the Biden-friendly networks of CNN, ABC, CBS, and Telemundo. Finally, both candidates' mics will be muted after the allotted time to answer questions has expired. 

Two debates have been scheduled: the first on June 27 and the second on September 10. The first will be televised on CNN, and Jake Tapper and Dana Bash will moderate it.  

Staying true to his word, Donald Trump accepted these debate rules. But what about any list of "demands" for Trump? Don't both candidates get to insist upon certain things? Then again, Democrats have already established that there are a whole different set of rules for Trump. But through the magic of the internet, a list of requirements for Trump has been compiled.  

No earpieces — Joe Biden and his handlers, because they have agreed to a debate, have agreed to trot Joe out onto the stage flying solo. No one gets to whisper answers to questions or even keywords that might trigger what's left of Joe's brain to help out. Although it might be a bit of twisted fun to watch him put his hand up to his ear and yell, "Huh? I can't hear you! What did you say?" Along those same lines...

No teleprompters — Again, Joe is on his own. Not only does he not get someone in his ear coaching him through it, he doesn't get to read his inevitable wrong answers, or whoppers, whichever he decides to do either. Besides, if Joe is going to just squint at a teleprompter, we really don't need him. Trump can just debate the teleprompter. 

A drug test for Joe — This one has been all over the interwebs. If we are going to get jacked up "State of the Union" Joe, we kind of have the right to know what he is jacked up on. It is probably a good bet it's not Red Bull and that old people candy your grandma put out in a glass dish at Christmas. Didn't they just find cocaine near the White House again? 

Then there is that old CNN little helper...

CNN not allowed to give Joe the questions before the debate — Who can forget Democrat operative and former CNN employee Donna Brazile getting caught tipping off Hillary Clinton to debate questions in 2016? Even though he might forget them immediately after being told the questions, what guarantee do we have this won't happen? 

Finally, no moderator opinions in between questions — We already know that Joe Biden will be asked what his favorite flavor of ice cream is, and Donald Trump will be asked why he is a racist, sexist, bigoted homophobe. But here is a question for fake Jake and Dana: Can you just maybe, find it in your tiny Grinch hearts, some iota of fairness and balance for this debate? No one wants to hear your opinion. It's not about you. 

At the end of the day, the best part of all of this will be watching Democrats squirm as Donald Trump beats Joe Biden like an old sock.

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