And maybe, who knows what evil lurks behind the election door in the long lead-up to Inauguration Day that turned violent last time.

Who wants to hand over a couple of twenties for boxes of Raisinets, a drink that's mostly ice, and good seats on a sticky floor when you can have the bejesus scared out of you by the day’s evening news for free on TV?

The only thing missing in this news trauma drama is a young woman in underwear at midnight creeping alone down the wrong hallway with a candle that suddenly goes out.

Media ramped up the fear porn over approaching hurricanes that might end human existence, you know. But that's nothing compared to the current media message that the outcome of this political struggle between Good and Evil is so very close – you can’t believe how close it is, folks. Everyone simply must keep watching around the clock with backup batteries handy for the remote and mouse.

C’mon, people! 

We’ve been through divisive presidential elections before. This is No. 59, in fact. We’ve had 19 presidents from the Republican Party, starting with Honest Abe, and 16 Democrats, ending with the Big Guy, who isn’t so honest, Biden family honor.

One president – a Democrat, of course – hung in the White House for four (4!!) elections. He was disabled in a wheelchair. But even back then, sympathetic media helped hide his condition, as they did so kindly with the current commander in chief.

Then, President Franklin Roosevelt died, which was more difficult to conceal. This year, America needed a nationally-televised debate to shatter the coverup and expose Biden’s crippling health to the country. 

We’ve still got him now for another 85 dangerous days.

Biden’s involuntary departure and unfolding revenge chapter left us with the unelected one, Kamala Harris, and Donald Trump, the former president seeking to become only the second president with non-consecutive terms.

Their supporters, who are quite loyal — also blind and deaf to efforts at counter-persuasion — remind me of my mother when she heard excuses for poor grades: “I don’t want to hear it!” 

You may have noticed this marathon election cycle has been wild, unpredictable, and, for many, disconcerting. 

These closing weeks are actually the same with a blizzard of campaign events in key states with the most electoral votes staged with committed supporters as cheering props. 

Since Democrats' four lawfare torpedoes and two assassins missed their Trump target, Harris is attacking his character as if she just heard. That entertains her people but is already baked into the minds of most Americans. 

Trump's closing argument stresses inflation and the economy. The comedy team of Biden-Harris says both of those are doing just great. But grocery shoppers are voters, too, and they know the truth.

Harris has Barack Obama on the road, speciously wondering out loud, gee, how in heaven's name did the country get so divided? Trump will have NFL legend Brett Favre join him in Green Bay Wednesday and a lengthy list of prominent speakers at today’s Madison Square Garden rally.

TV stations will slip these reports in between hundreds of millions of dollars in repetitive ads that are a bonanza for media owners and a reason to tap the Mute button for many.

The plan is media will transmit the cheers and accusations to voters in less-important places who perhaps remain undecided and may be willing to join the early-voting flood or on Nov. 5. 

The actual likelihood is that media will spread select images and words that fit their preferred narrative – an angry, even vindictive Trump and a laughing, non-threatening Harris declaring Trump is a fascist and not mentioning her new taxes.

Let’s be honest: No one can be totally objective, especially when the ubiquitous media and social pressures are so strongly aimed these days at dividing everyone into camps of Us and Them. 

It’s worse this time, given the 24 months of campaigns ever since the 2022 midterms and the absolute pervasiveness of all kinds of media. 

Their economic incentives compel media to offer the most exciting, extreme, even bizarre information, some of it true. Picture 19th-century carnival midways with the bearded fat woman, world’s smallest man, two-headed pony, and miracle potions that cure any ailment. 

Only, it’s online now.

These two campaigns sometimes look to me like the election winner will be the one who seems the least worst to the most voters.

Harris has done not one news conference since nomination, where she would take any and all unexpected questions, answering spontaneously with details and facts to show her mental recall, breadth of knowledge, and thinking, and allowing follow-ups to expose dodges. Not one.

She had a Zoom session where some callers’ little photos looked suspiciously identical. She even had one “town hall” that prohibited audience questions.

She’s done a few dozen interviews, far fewer than the Trump campaign, with mostly amateur and friendly questioners who were just tickled to have a happy celebrity on hand.

She did an interview with FoxNews “Special Report,” perceived by the Left as hostile territory only for the brave. 

As usual, Bret Baier was not hostile, just persistently pointed and professional, seeking substantive answers. She ducked as grade-schoolers do in dodgeball, even for Baier's determined follow-ups giving her second and third chances to pitch herself.

Harris simply doesn’t have answers, can’t remember any, or fears honestly revealing her leftist intentions that would scare voters. Remember on Day One in 2021 how she and Biden killed our hard-won energy independence and the Keystone pipeline that would be delivering 800,000 barrels of Canadian oil to Texas now?

Similar masking worked well for Biden-Harris in 2020, who sold his ticket from the basement as a moderate return to normalcy, not the progressive double-team that opened the southern border for 10 million unvetted illegals and ignited 9 percent inflation with unprecedented new spending.

Harris has tried to bill herself as an agent of change, a challenge after four years as Biden’s incumbent sidekick. Biden stated she was involved in every major decision, many of which, like the Afghan exit, became screw-ups.

On “The View,” the gals threw her a slow softball right over home plate. She was asked the most obvious question for any vice president, what she would have done differently than Biden. 

By golly, Harris could not think of a single thing.

Which reveals her infamous lack of preparation or vacuum brain, or both. So, in reality, Kamala Harris is offering four more years of the same with lipstick.

On CNN last week, Harris was asked what mistakes she’s made as vice president. Her revealing answer could use a fact-check:

I mean, I’ve—I’ve made many mistakes. And they range from, you know, if you’ve ever parented a child you know you make lots of mistakes, to, in my role as vice president? 

I mean, I’ve probably worked very hard at making sure that I am well-versed on issues, and I think that is very important. It’s a mistake not to be well-versed on an issue and feel compelled to answer a question.

The worst example was Harris’ interview on CBS’ “60 Minutes.” Producers accidentally released advance video clips that showed they moved some of her answers to different questions to make her sound smarter. That's hard to do. Also dishonest, if that matters to anyone.

Then, basically, CBS confessed, refusing the usual practice of releasing the complete transcript that would convict them.    

The Harris team plan is such an empty, deceptive, and phony strategy that it might just work if enough voters aren’t paying attention. 

Especially given the country’s divided political environment and an enduring Trump antipathy, which gave us four years of Biden-Harris.

So shallow and defensively empty of specifics is the Harris-Walz campaign that two fortresses of anti-Trump fervor and Democrat cheerleading – the Washington Post and Los Angeles Times, both already enduring huge reader and money losses – declined to endorse her, on orders of their wealthy owners. 

Local newspaper endorsements used to be important. But now, with social media, everyone is an influencer. Such competition suffocates the crumbled credibility of print media.

So, wealthy owners silencing the endorsement wishes of liberal Wokesters is more of a PR hit than anything important. Some staff resigned in protest; good riddance. But it is a sign of her campaign weakness, also reflected in recent poll dips.

Hard to imagine any campaigner outworking Trump, just as he did in 2020. He holds news conferences, taking all questions. He enters unfriendly territory like the South Bronx and a black journalists convention and survived two assassination attempts.

He devoted three hours to Joe Rogan’s podcast Friday, a more human, discursive format that suits him.

Trump was hilarious at the Al Smith Charity Dinner. The awkward Harris forfeited that good-natured charity exposure. 

In his unscripted rally remarks, Trump still displays a familiar undisciplined side, which dilutes his overall closing message of the clear dangers of a dim Harris as commander in chief.

Discussing Arnold Palmer’s genitalia or dancing to 39 minutes of his favorite music onstage does nothing to expand his voter base. However, Trump loyalists love his sprayed shots and spontaneity as entertaining signs of authenticity. And the former president knows it.

Longtime political operative Karl Rove, no fan of either candidate, posted an interesting take last week with a lengthy, detailed list of how both Harris and Trump could manage to lose. 

A sample:

If he loses, it could be because he didn’t support his closing message that she’s ‘dangerously liberal’ with enough hard evidence. If she loses, it might be that her final argument that a second Trump term would be ‘more unhinged, more unstable, and unchecked’ doesn’t move voters inured to his behavior. 

He also appears to be having more fun campaigning now than she does. That makes him look as if he’s winning.

On this coming Jan. 6, as vice president, Harris will be tasked with certifying her own election or Trump’s. What could possibly go wrong there?

The weaknesses of both and the fervor of supporters have reportedly prompted many Washingtonians to fear unrest and make plans to leave town between the election and inauguration. Who cares?

The rest of us residing in real America have no need to flee a swamp. So, maybe we'll get a credit union loan and take in a Hollywood horror film.