'Joey' Biden Recalls the Time He Crushed Crime With an Old Upstairs Woman He Used to Visit

Jim Watson/Pool via AP

Not unlike Mark Twain, Joe Biden is known for his stories — for real; not a joke.

And on Tuesday, the Leader of the Free World regaled gathered fans with a tale of criminal comeuppance. As it turns out, long ago in Wilmington, Delaware, a group of gangs had a penchant for mayhem. But Joe saw to it that their spree was nipped in the bud. The future Commander-in-Chief clobbered crime with that most effective of weapons, a phone number.


While speaking in Wilkes-Barres, Pennsylvania, he spun his campfire yarn:

“I remember…on the East Side in Wilmington, in one of those old Victorian…three-story apartment buildings. And going up to see an old woman whose name, she’s passed way, but I won’t mention her name now. And staying in that rotunda, that part that stuck out around the building? And she’d say, ‘Joey, I know — I know what’s going on. They all plan it downstairs. I can hear them, but I’m afraid to tell anybody. I’m afraid to tell anybody. The gangs.’ And so, I got her so, that I got a number for the local cops. She called. They promised not to identify her, ’cause they knew there’d be retribution.”

The stunning effect:

“The crime rate began to drop.”

And in case you’re thinking it’s not real…in the event you suspect it’s a joke:

“For real — not a joke.”

It’s a story of triumph, indeed. For those of a skeptical nature, a few questions might cross the mind:

  • Why was the bulk of Wilmington’s crime headquartered in a single apartment building?
  • Why did an elderly lady choose to live in Misdeeds Mecca?
  • How might a phone call about what one gang had said through the ceiling substantially sock it to the city’s crime?
  • Why would the lady’s identification be an issue? Would cops have otherwise foiled the plots of superviallains only to punctuate it with, “Mrs. Smith above you ratted you out”?
  • If the events took place in, say, 1962 (when ‘Joey’ was 20), what elderly lady would’ve owned a phone but no phone book?
  • Why was a young Joe Biden “going up to see an old woman” on the top floor of a crime house?

Regardless, it was an interesting story — like ones about Corn Pop and leg hair:

Those also occurred in Wilmington. With a single phone number, did Joey put an end to ‘bad dude’ Corn Pop?

Back to his Wilkes-Barres appearance, the President’s inspiring account came amid a call to bankroll the Blue.

“When it comes to safety in this nation,” he said, “the answer is not ‘Defund the Police.’ It’s ‘Fund the Police.'”

Then he blew attendees’ minds:

“There’s bad in everything. There’s lousy senators, there’s lousy presidents, there’s lousy doctors, there’s lousy lawyers.”

And in case you’ve colored him comical:

“No — I’m serious.”

As for funding cops, Democrat Party figurehead Biden may want to have a private word with members:

Crime is certainly an issue in America, and rightfully-trained law enforcement is critical to the fix.

Beyond that, it’ll take more than a phone number — even one given to you by your much, much younger frequent male visitor, Joey.



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