For some, it’s probably how they’d want to go. But for a pair of candy factory workers in Pennsylvania, a recent sticky situation wasn’t going to keep them down. And now they’ve fought to see another day beyond their sweet yet swampish swim in a tank of treachery.

On Thursday, the employees were grinding away at Elizabethtown’s Mars Wrigley factory.

For the unfamiliar, a few of the company’s confections:

• M&M’s
• Snickers
• American Heritage Chocolate
• Twix
• MilkyWay
• Mars
• Dove chocolate
• 3 Musketeers

Around 1:51 p.m., the duo was grazing the edge of an absurdly voluminous vat. For reasons still unclear, they both fell in.

The contents of the colossal container: dreamy, creamy cacao. And yet, a nightmare took hold: Though the glossy goop was only waist-high, the coworkers’ high-calorie captor wouldn’t let them leave. No matter how much they tried, they were unable to exit the bodaciously big basin chock-full of chocolate.

Questions likely loomed: What if they were left overnight? Could they stay awake to survive? Which tragic fate would strike first — drowning, or diabetes?

Luckily, help was impending.

Lancaster Online lays it out:

More than two dozen emergency personnel were dispatched to the scene shortly before 2 p.m….

Fire crews concluded there was no way to pull them from the porridge-like pool.

Perhaps the chocolate was too thick; if so, melting it wasn’t on the menu: As we all know, such can only occur in a mouth.

First responders M(editated) & M(ulled).

Rescue units cut a hole out at the bottom in order to free the employees, according to dispatch reports.

Dispatch stated while the two individuals were “not floating around” in a vat of chocolate, officers had trouble getting them out.

At 2:30, firefighters were still at the scene. The first was extracted at 3:10. The second, by 3:25.

According to Assistant Supervisor Nick Schoenberger of Lancaster County 911 Dispatch, “One patient was transported by ground, and one person was transported by helicopter.”

ABC27 notes, “The Occupational Safety and Health Administration is investigating this incident”

A Mars Wrigley spokesperson said they were managing the situation and are “extremely grateful for the quick work of the first responders.”

The Associated Press cited officials who said the two people were working for an outside contracting firm doing maintenance at the time of the incident.

The incident brings to mind an emergency in April:

Lady Drops Her Phone in an Outhouse, Tries to Retrieve It and Falls in — Says the Fire Department https://t.co/tzBYhjf5mI

— RedState (@RedState) April 27, 2022

From my coverage at the time:

She reached in head-first…

In the words of Brinnon Fire Department Chief Tim Manly, that “didn’t work very well, and in she went.”

For a reported 10-15 minutes, the hapless hiker struggled as a potato trying to escape its stew. At some point, she determined an emergence was impossible.

Though she was trapped and treading water in the crapper, one thing had gone swimmingly: Her phone was still working and had service.

Hence, she was able to reach out for help.

Both Brinnon Fire Department and Quilcene Fire Rescue crews responded.

Without going into detail why, the two tragedies may have even looked somewhat the same. In certain sensory ways, however, they doubtlessly differed drastically.

Even so, Mars makes Juicy Fruit; the outhouse lady was conceivably soaking in juicy fruit.

Back to Pennsylvania, congratulations to all involved.

As for the two hours the workers were wading, everyone knows that people pee in the pool. In the aftermath, was the chocolate drained and the container scoured with cleaner? It’s a point to ponder the next time you bite into a candy bar.

-ALEX

See more content from me:

New Zealand Proposes a Tax on Farts

Cereal Killer? Feminine Hygiene Brand’s ‘Period Crunch’ Invites You to Eat a Uterus for Breakfast

Man’s Penis Falls Off, Doctor Adds One to His Arm

Find all my RedState work here.

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